Living with Jennifer Lawrence

[46:] Sharing the News

There are new pictures added to chapters 44 & 45 if you hadn't seen them already.

Maddie's P.O.V.

I think Jen has gotten depressed.

The things she used to do, like smile, were soon replaced with sighs of defeat and sadness.

She'd lay in bed all day and would only gets up if she had to go to the bathroom.

Sometimes at night, I'd hear her cry herself to sleep.

I felt bad for her.

Everytime I'd try to comfort her, she'd push me away. Not literally, of course.

Without Jen to spark things up, dinner became awkward and we all soon ended up eating separately; we'd each go to our own rooms.

Jen was the life of the party. Now, she's dull and heartbroken. She doesn't eat much and already lost the little bit of baby weight she had.

At first, we tried to make her go outside, but once she saw a pregnant woman or a mother caring for her baby, Jen lost it. She'd came back inside, retreated to her room, and cried once again. You'd think she'd run out of tears, but she never did.

Today she was in her room, staring at the ceiling.

"Hi, Jen." I sat in a chair and began to stroke her hair like she would do for me. And even though I knew how she was feeling, I'd still ask her, "How are you feeling today?" just like a good daughter would do.

She looked at me teary-eyed. Without meaning to, she snapped at me. "How do you think I feel?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't---"

She sighed and apologized. "No, I'm sorry, Maddie. I shouldn't put all of my anger on you." She sniffer and said, "You can't even begin to imagine how I feel. You just can't. I still don't understand what I did wrong. I ate healthy, I followed all of the procedures. I did everything right!"

As Jen was explaining, I noticed a plate of cold eggs from this morning.

"You need to eat, Jen. You have lost enough weight. I'm getting worried about you."

Then I added, "Please, help me try to understand how you are feeling. Things will get better."

I learned that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance.

She passed the denial part and we all know which part she's currently at.

I just don't like that she cries constantly and blames herself for what happened. They both are taking the news differently, for Josh isn't---or wasn't---emotionally attached to the baby. They even got into an argument about that. It was brief. Afterwards, she cried, asked for forgiveness, while he comforted her and all was better.

But she couldn't continue to break things. The glass table was ruined and she also decided to toss a few picture frames at the wall. The glass glittered in the light.

But why couldn't she just throw a teddy bear or punch a pillow? Why did he have to target glass?

She sniffed. "I feel like it's my fault, you know? I don't think I'll ever understand how or why this had to happen. I keep think that over and over in my head. The thing is, I was almost finished with the first trimester. After that, the chance for miscarriage drops. I was so damn close! And now---" Jen was interrupted by her emotions. I gave her a loving embrace. She needs her family right now more than ever.

Wait, speaking of family, what about Jen's parents? And what about Josh's family?

She's going to have to say some-thing sooner or later or else Karen might start buying baby stuff. And if Jen sees any of that, she'll lose it.

So I asked, "When are you going to tell your parents and everyone else you know?"

In a weak voice, she answered, "Can you do it? I can't bring myself up to do it." She then blew her nose quietly, and handed me her phone.

I dialed Karen's number and decided not to put it on speaker. I then stepped out of the room. Jen doesn't need to hear this twice.

Karen's voice was cheerful. "Jen! How are you and the baby doing?"

I cleared my throat. "Uh, no. This is Maddie."

"Oh. Hello!" Karen's optimistic attitude made my heart hurt. "How is everybody? I haven't heard from Jen lately. Right now, I'm creating a blanket for the new little one."

"You don't need to do that," I insist.

"It's no problem at all! Really, it isn't. I love doing these things."

"Seriously, please don't make that for her." I soon realize that was rude and try again. "I mean, please don't make that. Jen had a miscarriage." My heart hurts even more when I have to share the news. But I need to be strong... for her.

Silence.

All I got was silence.

Her once cheerful voice now had a melancholy tone to it. "Really? I will call you back, okay?" She sounded too choked up to speak. Then she hung up.

I stroll back inside Jen's room to find her sitting on the edge of her bed, head in her hands, weeping.

I sat next to her and rubbed her back in circular motions. "Jen, I know this is tough on you. It's tough on all of us. And we need to be there for you. And we are. . . Just know that things will get better for you, I just know it!"

But in my mind, I didn't think so.

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