Living with Jennifer Lawrence

[3:] Discovery

Jen's P.O.V.

I couldn't believe what she has done. Commiting suicide? The thought seemed out of this world, yet my daughter attempted it.

I'll never forget when I woke up in the middle of the night, I was having a hard time sleeping. For some reason, I kept having this motherly instinct that something bad was about to happen.

“Josh,” I whispered. Although this happened several hours prior, it felt more like a lifetime away.

He was startled and still had his sleepy voice. “What's wrong? Are you okay?”

He turned to his side so he was facing me.

“I can't sleep,” I admitted. “I keep feeling like something bad is gonna happen. You probably think I'm crazy.”

“You're not crazy. How about you go check up on Maddie--who is probably sleeping--and come back to bed.”

I nodded and went down the hall to her room. The door was closed. I softly knocked--I don't know why I felt like I should--and opened it just a little.

The blankets were a mess but I saw a lump of a body beneath the sheets. Every night when I tuck her into bed, I give her a goodnight kiss on the forehead. It's like a tradition.

But when I stepped closer, the lump wasn't her body, but of pillows. Don't panic, she probably went downstairs. I thought to myself, secretly hoping it was true.

When I rushed downstairs, she was no where to be found. By then my heart was racing. Where could my baby girl have gone?

I went back into her room to see if she snuck out, maybe the window was open. It was locked.

When I turned to leave, I noticed some paper on her dresser. I decided to take a peak and saw that my name was on it.

I scanned the page. My eyes absorbing each and every word. I soon realized that it was a. . .suicide letter.

I gasped, covered my mouth with my hand, trying to fight back tears. I kept muttering to myself, “No, no, no!” I shook my head. Then I shouted, “Josh!”

He arrived seconds later. “What's wrong?”

I was sitting at the end of her bed. What she wrote wasn't true. She was not burden. I did not adopt her because of pity. And I did love her, with all of my heart and soul. I couldn't believe I was so stupid not to see the signs. Well, I did see them, I just didn't connect the pieces together.

I would've looked for her, but I didn't know where to start. She could've been anywhere by now! I felt like a horrible person, a horrible mother. I didn't deserve that title, a good mother would've never allowed this to happen.

I've never cried to so hard in my life. Being shot or having each of my limbs ripped apart one by one or even being burned alive would've hurt much less that this.

Snot was dripping down my nose. I handed the note to Josh, it would explain everything.

When he finished, his eyes widened.

My entire body was shaking and trembling. I could hardly breathe. How could Maddie think I'd be happy without her?

While I was wailing, Josh used the cordless home phone and dialed 911.

He was on the phone with them. I sat there, hopeless.

I kept hoping and praying that she wasn't dead.

***

When the police arrived, I was beyond choked up to speak. My breath was ragged and Josh the hero had to save the day. Sometimes it makes wonder if Josh was actually meant to play the role of Peeta. Peeta was able to speak. Katniss didn't

talk---I can't talk.

My vision was blurry with tears. I had to sit down on the sofa to try to calm down.

I was useless to the investigation. My sobs forbid me from speaking. Josh, of course did the talking.

No, I hadn't seen Maddie. Yes, I fell asleep. Yes, she wandered in the middle of the night without me knowing. No, I don't know what she's wearing. She could've changed clothes for all I knew.

I didn't know what I'd do if she was dead. I'd never forgive myself.

That night I spent hoping and praying that my baby girl would come home, be in my arms again, and this time, I wouldn't let her out of my sight.

^~^
One word to describe “Adopted by Jennifer Lawrence” after reading it would be: ________.