Living with Jennifer Lawrence

[82:] Big Reveal

Maddie

Christmas Eve.

I feel a lot better now. Everyone important knows about what happened to me. But Austin doesn't know about the pregnancy.

I figured it was better to tell him sooner rather than later. I wasn't sure what we were at this point, we hadn't put on a label on our relationship.

I dreaded having to tell him. I thought of the different ways I could bring it up. It didn't feel right to text him. Remember that time I got raped? I'm pregnant now.

I didn't know how to go about it. I've never had to deliver this kind of news before.

I remember when we first found out Jen was pregnant with Ryan. Everyone wanted to know. The paparazzi bothered us as usual. But lately, we've been laying on the down low, so they didn't come around much, though sometimes I'd notice the occasional flash.

Are you doing anything today?

As I waited for his reply, I thought of him after he found out about the incident, and after the pregnancy test. He knew I took it, but he doesn't know the results. He never pressured me to tell him what they were. He said he'd wait until I was ready to tell him.

We went to a quiet area with lots of thick green grass and trees. We both laid in the grass, side by side, and stared at the sky.

A playground was nearby, I could hear children playing and screaming with delight.

I suddenly wondered what being a mother was like.

"I know I ask you this a lot, but how are you doing?" he paused. "How are you really doing?"

It seemed like he was the first person other than my immediate family and close circle of friends who actually cared.

He found my hand and held it. His hands were a lot larger than mine. I felt safe. I was beginning to be okay with being touched.

"Relieved," I admitted. "Relieved that it's all out there. I don't have to hold it in anymore."

He rubbed his thumb in circular motions against my hand.

"How are you?" I asked. "How are you really doing? That must of been a lot to take in."

He sighed. "I'm doing better," he began. "My tour ended, and then I saw you again. I kept wondering when I'd see you again. Never thought I'd get the chance."

I showed a toothy grin. No one has ever been this nice to me before. I've met guys, but never had this kind of connection before. Maybe I was just bad at love.

My phone vibrated, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Last-minute Christmas shopping, want to come with?

I didn't have to think twice about it. Yes!

* * *

I had one request: that we stop at the beach again today. It'll always be my happy place, despite me almost drowning. I wanted to tell him the big news there.

As usual, he offered to pick me up. This time, he opened the door for me.