BTS Sickfics [Volume 1]

Jungkook: Depression (Part 1)

⚠Suicidal thoughts

Jungkook POV:

I can't do it anymore. It's too hard for me. What I mean is, I don't want to be an idol anymore.

Even if I want to, I can't just cope with all the stress.

That's what I mean.

I wave to ARMYs again, but this time, I don't feel as if I love them.

I feel as if I hate them.

I know I'm supposed to love them and love my job, like all the others, but I can't. That's what happens when you're going on a long world tour. I've been secretly taking medicines to make myself feel a little better, but it doesn't even work.

We're back offstage. Finally. But ahead of us, there are still four concerts to go. Thinking of them makes me want to throw up, and that's what I'm doing right now in front of the sink.

My hyungs have done much and they have helped me a lot, I don't want to worry them.

But they won't care or worry anyways, right?

I wipe my mouth and sniffle before completely bursting into tears and falling on the floor. And throwing up more bile on myself again.

Hobi hyung rushes in and sees my state.

"Oh, Kookie, are you okay? Did you throw up, baby?" he askes concernedly. I nod miserably and mumble, "I'll clean this all up myself. Sorry, hyung." He raises a brow. "No of course. You're our Kookie, we can't leave you like this. I'll get Jin hyung here."

I feel even more stupid after that.

End of POV

"Aw, Kookie," cooed Seokjin, "don't worry, hyung's gonna clean you up. Tell hyung, are you feeling unwell?" Jungkook didn't give any response. Instead, he stared blankly at the wall.

"Kookie? Can you tell hyung that which part of you is feeling sick?" repeated Seokjin. Jungkook blinked a couple of times. "My stomach hurts," admitted Jungkook truthfully, "but I guess I'm just stressed."

"It's alright, I told the medics and Sejin-nim about your situation and he says that you can continue the remaining concerts," announced Namjoon, walking into the bathroom. Jungkook shivered. He would continue those concerts?

He would rather die than try to survive all that pressure.

***

Jungkook closed his eyes and opened them slowly again. His hand was trembling as he wrote the following note.

Dear hyungs,

I've been in so much pressure recently, I don't know if I should've become an idol.

Look, it's so stressful, and all those fans cheering for you... you know you can't mess up. I'm starting to get sick of it... just like the Beatles. I've read a book about them recently, and the main reason they broke up was because they were in a lot of pressure, were tired, and most of all, they were weary.

Chill out, guys, because I'm absolutely not telling you guys to break up. I'm just saying that, it wouldn't hurt to take away a tiny piece of the puzzle, right? It's just tiny and it's useless and worthless. You guys don't need it, just like you don't need me. It's just 1/7 of the very famous South Korean boyband Bangtan Sonyeondan. People don't care.

You'll be better off without me. That's all I want to say.

I want to be buried somewhere near the countryside back in Busan and that's the same for the funeral. Okay? That's just a tiny wish, right?

Best wishes,

Jeon Jungkook

He smiled sadly as he re-read the letter again and walked slowly to the bathroom, closing the door silently behind. It was late night when he was supposed to be sleeping, and everyone else is.

He took a sharp knife out of his pocket and put the letter on the sink. He stared in the bathroom mirror and prayed.

He prayed that his family would live happily. He prayed that his hyungs would remain successful. He prayed that TXT would make a successful debut.

He had so many things to pray for, and he did.

He finished praying and put the knife in front of his stomach, taking a deep breath.

He shoved it in as someone let out a terrified screech.