WangXian Forever 4

Chapter 23 Doubt

Jin Ling held the comb in his hand, turning it over and over again. It was crafted from the finest ebony, the peonies engraved along its edges smooth yet detailed. It was his mother's comb, and he imagined sitting on the floor of her room, as he was now, and watching her comb her hair.

From what he'd heard about her, she was a gentle soul, pure and loving. People said she had made the mistake of loving her adopted brother too much, and ultimately, he ended up killing her.

Jin Ling knew better now. There was a time he had no choice but to believe everything he was told, because he had not been around to form his own opinions of these people. All he had to hold onto were other people's memories, other people's experiences. Whenever he felt alone, this place gave him the comfort of a mother's embrace, and a father's love.

People thought being the son of a prominent clan, and to be the sole heir at that, was easy. Sure, it was a wealthy clan, and he'd never lacked for anything material, so why did he feel...empty?

It wasn't fair, this life he had born into. The responsibility of two clans fell on his young shoulders, and even he could feel them bending. This much pressure was becoming unbearable. His Uncle Cheng must love him, through familial ties, but the way he showed it meant weight after weight was thrown at him and he had to cope.

To think others were envious of his position, well, it made him laugh but it was a bitter sound. When he was little, he had been passed around the wet nurses due to the absence of his mother, then passed around to live with one cousin after another, and each one less friendlier than the one before. So he learned how to fight.

His Uncle Yao found out and got him a dog. Fairy had changed his life. She was always there to give him sloppy wet kisses, smile at him with her tongue hanging out adorably, lick his tears away when the bullies got the better of him. Through raising Fairy, he learned to love someone.

Loving someone meant trusting them.

His Uncle Wei didn't seem to believe that. This man, so maligned by every clan, despised by every cultivator, hated and feared by almost everyone, loved unconditionally. His Uncle Wei had shown him nothing but love, after their first meeting and he had been unaware of his identity.

Once he had discovered that the boy in the forest was his sister's son, Uncle Wei hadn't stopped showing his love...and it felt nice. Warm.

Uncle Wei was there for him, his support just as valid as his love and so different from his other uncle, that Jin Ling was confused. Nobody behaved like his Uncle Wei. He was wholly present, a lover of life, and kept nothing for himself. Jin Ling had never met anyone remotely like him, so selfless, yet so giving.

He felt ashamed too. Dragged down by the weight of past accusations, faced by the "killer" of his parents, shock had made him pierce his Uncle with his father's sword. Thankfully, Uncle Wei had survived, miraculously forgiving him and still loved him.

All of these thoughts led him back to SiZhui.

His mind rebelled, because it was so much easier not to. He could lock all of these thoughts in a box in his mind, never to be looked at again. But he had spent the better part of his life avoiding things that caused him pain. He was a leader, and he had to face this now.

Jin Ling was tired of being scared, tired of being a coward.

How did he feel about SiZhui?

He thought back to the kiss, and involuntarily shivered.

When he thought about it, the plan seemed excellent: find a way no one would offer their hand in marriage again, or at least for a while. And he ended up shooting himself in the foot.

That kiss...was amazing. It was hot, it was steamy and it awoke a desire to...do it again.

What? No way!

Did he really want to kiss SiZhui? Again?

It was hard to admit to it, but yes.

His doubts grew. He liked SiZhui. A lot. He had never defined their friendship because it was exactly that, friendship. SiZhui had taken it further, and Jin Ling was a little jealous of him for that reason. SiZhui knew who he was, SiZhui knew what he wanted. SiZhui knew how he felt.

Their backgrounds were similar too. SiZhui was also an orphan, adopted by his parents. But he had been surrounded by people of a different temperament, or whether due to his own quiet nature, SiZhui was definitely more level headed than himself.

Jin Ling had grown up among volatile people, people who had lied and deceived the whole of the Cultivation world.

Jin Ling stood up and placed the comb back on the dressing table.

He could sit here, wallowing in the past and finding excuses for his behaviour, feeling sorry for himself. Or, he could take charge.

Uncle Wei had told him to take charge of his own life, and he finally understood what that meant. He had to take responsibility for his actions, and the resulting consequences. Only then, would he be deserving to live it the way he wanted to.

He felt the first strumming excitement filter through his veins. His stomach grumbled and he laughed. This sound was light hearted and freeing.

First stop, breakfast.

Second stop, Cloud Recesses.