Care For Me ✔️

2

trigger warning: abusive content.

L I L Y

Curled up against the back passenger seat, my body pressed as close to the door as possible, head resting against the cool glass of the car window, the tears escape my eyes before I can even think of stopping them, rolling down my cheeks like winter rain, all harsh and heavy.

I try to hide them.

I do, I do.

But I can't.

Staring out at the unknown just makes the storm behind my eyes come harder. I'm sad and thankful all at once. I don't think I'll ever understand how it's fair that this is the most of this world I've ever gotten to see.

Right now, this car journey is like my stairway to heaven; fitting a lifetime of lost moments, lost firsts into seven tiny days. I press my forehead against the glass, feeling it cool my burning skin as I watch passer-by's like they're on a television screen.

None of it feels real.

Nothing feels real.

Everything is more vibrant and beautiful than I could've ever imagined. It makes me more emotional, more sad; thinking about how much I've missed, how my eyes have been confined to concrete for the majority of my childhood. How my soul longs for what could've been, if only my parents loved me.

Looking out at the people rushing around trying to get to where they need to be, whether that be work, home, school, who knows. All that matters is that they're free.

Free to smile, free to feel the sun kiss their skin in the summer, or the cool breeze dance across their cheeks in winter.

Free to breathe, to feel fresh, outside air fill their lungs with all its might.

Free. Free. Free.

Maybe someday.

Maybe never.

The latter sounds most believable.

As we stop at the fifth red light in what feels like minutes, my eyes lock on a woman at the crossing. She's a middle aged lady with greying hair and a bright pink coat. She's taking off her scarf, wrapping it around the little girl cuddled to her side, blocking her from the harsh breeze.

The storm turns to a blizzard as envy tugs on my heartstrings like a broken, out of tune guitar. All I've ever wished for is that. For someone to care enough to protect me from the wind, protect me from the world and all the cruelness it brings.

In the end, the people who are meant to care for me, meant to protect me with everything they have, they give me wind instead, stealing the air from my lungs with every harsh blow.

"Lily."

I freeze, willing my eyes to blink the tears back, willing my voice to respond, willing myself to do something, anything, but nothing works. I'm paralysed with wishes and fears, some I know will never be my reality.

"Lily," he snarls my name like it's poison on his tongue. My insides twist to knots. I open my mouth, I open it, but no words come out.