Care For Me ✔️

T H I R T Y - S I X

L I L Y

As I pondered over the fact that my whole messed up life had been a lie— I could help but think of when I first interacted with each of my brothers, minus Jack. Did I subconsciously know? The solace I felt in their arms when they provided me comfort; how open I could be around them, how I had the best night sleep of my life when I was cuddled into Leo during our sleepover, how safe I'd felt when Ace and Alex had pulled me from my panic attack that day in gym class. It's almost as though my body had known— these people are important to me.

Happiness. A feeling I've rarely ever felt, but today, in these last few hours— I don't think I've ever been as happy as I am now. The warmth in my chest growing stronger as I look at my ten older brothers.

Kaden, Killian and Carter have all managed to squeeze their six foot bodies, onto the small cream couch to have a nap. Kaden's head is on Carter's shoulder, his dark brown curls brushing against the latters jaw, whilst Killian is spread across their laps— using them as a make shift mattress.

That cannot be comfortable.

Jack is laying in his bed, Alex next to him as they laugh at Ace— who's glaring at them, muttering incoherent Italian words under his breath as they continue to wind him up. Callan is sitting on the floor, his back against the white walls of the hospital room as he scrolls through his phone. Grey and Zac left to make some calls promising they'd return with food. Sadly Jack and I can't eat proper foods just yet, we're on a liquid diet for the next 7 days— Dr Owens orders. Not that I'm complaining, I'm thankful for any kind of food.

I drop my head onto Leo's shoulder as he pulls me closer with his arm. I can't help but feel safe in his arms, in my brothers arms— my twin. Its strange to think for the last ten years I've not been with him, I wonder did I subconsciously know a part of me was missing? As I run my fingers along Leo's arm tracing the dull blue veins, I can't help notice the small band on his wrist similar to my own, stating his name.

Why is he wearing a hospital band?

I run my fingers along the small plastic strip before moving my gaze to Leo, who's looking down at me with his lips pressed into a tight line.

"Why are you wearing this? Are you okay?" I ask softly, whispering slightly as not to wake the twins and Carter.

"M'fine Lil, Just a panic attack." He mumbles to me, a distant look in his pale blue eyes.

"Leo— what's wrong?" The expression on his face clearly showing that somethings bothering him.

I think he forgets we share the same face.

The dull look in his electrifying eyes sending chills down my spine, it scares me. He looks so vulnerable, maybe even fragile, almost on the verge of a break down. His eyes should be bright and filled with joy but instead he just seems lost— lost within himself.

He sighs as he runs his hand over his fatigue tainted face. "They um put me on medication—antidepressants. I don't like how they make me feel." His voice a mere whisper.

"How do they make you feel?" I ask as I gently interwind our fingers.

"They don't make me feel anything, it's like I'm numb Lily. It's like everything I want to feel is trapped in a part of my brain I can't reach, I don't like it."