golden ; a draco malfoy fanfiction

fifty three

elodie phillips

The last few days I have been getting chills down my spine. I don't know why I get them or where they come from.

I felt distant from Draco again. I was excited to see him over break, but I was nervous.

Would things be different between us?

Kai was still acting odd. Someone shoved that stick farther up his ass because I didn't know what his problem was.

It had been about a week since he spent the night in my room. Watched over me?

There was no good way to phrase it. Every wording sounded the same: bad.

I knocked on his door, my heart pounding. I couldn't get myself under control. Why was I nervous? Kai was a friend.

He answered the door confidently as usual. The corner of his mouth raised slightly at the sight of me, his eyes brightening a little.

"Kai," I started, inviting myself into his room as I shoved past him. "What's your deal?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, a hint of hesitancy in his voice.

"You know what I mean. Normally you're all 'I'm Kai and I'm hot' but lately you've been weird-"

"I never said I was hot."

My mind became even more flustered. "You know what I mean!"

"So you think I'm hot?" He asked again, his smirk growing on his face.

"For Merlin's fuck Kai. You're missing the point."

"You didn't deny it."

Sometimes I wanted to hit him.

"Shut up and listen to me!" I snapped.

The door that Kai left open slammed shut behind us. He jumped a bit.

"God, you are so conceited," I finally sighed.

His eyes darted between me and the door.

"Before you start with the insults, do you want to explain what the fuck you just did?"

I tilted my head a bit, and then look towards where he was pointing. I had slammed the door shut, even though I was feet away from it.

Goddammit.

I sighed, running my hands through my hair as I sat at the foot of Kai's bed. He took a seat next to me, slightly hesitant once more.

"Are you okay, Elle?"

"Yes," I sighed again. "I just don't like it when people aren't honest with me."

"That's great," he scoffed. "But that doesn't explain the whole slamming the door deal."

I took a deep breath. "When I was younger, my parents noticed a temper issue with me. Whenever I'd get mad, things in my environment would change. They didn't want their 'perfect' image to be ruined by a fucked up child, so they had someone come fix it. It's never really been an issue until recently. Ever since I transferred here, been away from Draco, I've just felt unhinged."

Kai looked at me blankly. I could tell he was trying to understand.

"And I'm not saying that I don't like it here, it's just that I don't have those same anchors."

I looked up at Kai and realized that I had been rambling.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Elle, you're okay," he reassured, placing his hand on top of mine. His hands were warm and soft, and they felt comfortable.

I was starting to feel more like Elodie. Too open, emotional, forgiving.

I sat up straight, taking a deep breath in and out, pushing his hands off of mine.

I needed to be Elle again.

"Elle, I'll be honest with you," Kai slowly spoke. "That night, when you took a shit ton of drugs, you kissed me."

My eyes widened. My face reddened. Before I could ask how he answered for me.

"And it wasn't just a small one either. You kept saying Draco's name."

Nothing could shield the furious blush I had on my face. I was embarrassed. I didn't even want to ask why Kai had kissed back because I had a feeling of what that answer was.

I couldn't get mad. I was high as shit, and he was drunk. I had to be flattered by the fact that he took me to my room afterward and watched to make sure I was okay.

I can't word anything without it sounding bad.

-

Dear Elodie,

Are you going by Elle now? If so, I love it! We all miss you so much here! Hogwarts isn't quite the same without you.

Counting down the days until you sneak back!

I'm not even going to ask how you plan on doing that, but I know you'll pull through.

Draco is different. He's at school from time to time. I bet he's down about not seeing you too. I'll tell him to be here when you're back.

Love you,

Pans

I closed the parchment paper with a smile growing on my face. I was going home, and very soon might I add. I had quickly brushed aside my encounter with Kai.

I was too open, but I finally got the truth. Less Elodie, more Elle.

I announced the news to Adi and Kai.

"Do you think your parents will find out?" Adi curiously asked, as if she was nervous for me.

"I mean, it's a possibility, yeah," I answered.

"Are you sure you want to go alone?" Kai chimed.

I rolled my eyes. "Guys, I'm apparating to Hogwarts. It's not like I'm going into some super dangerous place."

Kai and Adi exchanged glances. I looked at them blankly, thoughts swirling through my head. Adi gently tucked her deep brown hair behind her ear.

"Well," she started slowly, a hint of disappointment in her voice. "There have been rumblings about Hogwarts.  Things are...different there. I don't know if you asked Pansy about it but-"

"We can come with you," Kai proposed. "We have nothing to do here." He glanced around, looking for approval.

A feeling of excitement flooded me. Everyone would get along so well.

Then my nerves got the best of me.

Should I mesh the two lives?

One half knows Elodie, the other half knows Elle.

I paused for a moment, my eyes darting between the two, who looked like dogs begging for scraps.

I rolled my eyes, a smile growing on my face.

"Fine, you guys can tag along. But please don't embarrass me."