Crash [H.S.]

fifty six

Harry Styles  

I don't know how long we sat there just hugging each other, taking in the comforting feeling of having her wrapped up in my arms again. It almost felt too soon when I felt her slowly loosen her arms around me, only to have her hands gently land on either of my cheeks.

She gazed at me deeply, her eyes sparkling as they brimmed with tears while she used her thumb to graze over my cheekbone. "I was so worried about you baby." My voice came out barely above a whisper, breaking the seemingly eternal silence that fell between us. Joselyn immediately winced, only making my heart clench tighter in my chest.

"I know." She whispered back, leaning forward slightly so our foreheads touched. My eyes fell shut as I gently sat myself on the edge of her bed next to her waist so I wasn't hurting her in any way, still keeping my hands comfortably on the tops of her thighs over the blanket draped over them. "I—" Her voice cracked, even only saying that single syllable, and I couldn't refrain from pouting my lips together and opening my eyes to look back at hers now closed.

"You're okay though." I spoke up before she could, rubbing my thumbs softly over the thin material of the blanket hoping she could feel it. "You're okay, right? Do you feel okay?" I was quick to rephrase my statement, pulling my head back slightly just so I could look directly at her again.

She let out a small sigh, reopening her eyes so they locked on mine, the sight of a tear slowly moving down her cheek making me instinctively bring my right hand up to hold her cheek and swipe it away with my thumb. I couldn't help but crack a relieved smile when she leaned into my palm slightly. "No I'm not okay—" A small cry fell past her lips, her head dropping forward so she was looking down at her lap and moving her hands off my face so she could entwine them both around my hand that rested on her thigh. "I mean yes I'm okay I guess—physically...I'll be okay. I just feel drained, of everything and-and I was scared." Every word that she spoke only broke my heart more, knowing she was probably dealing with an overload of thoughts about everything that's happened—before, during, and after this all started I can imagine.

"I know baby, I know you've probably been terrified." I tried to sound as gentle as possible, wishing with everything in me I could just see into her mind right now and make all this pain and stress go away. "But you're still here, that's the most important thing, okay?" I continued to stroke her cheek softly, hoping that it brought her some sense of comfort—but every doubt in my mind started racing in my head when she suddenly let out a broken sob at the last bit of my words, helplessly leaning forward and clinging onto my body with every bit of strength she had.

Way to go Harry, you made her cry more.

"Hey, hey it's alright darling—let it out. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." I instantly clung onto her just as tight, soothingly rubbing one hand up and down her back while the other cradled her head to my shoulder and used my fingers to lightly massage her scalp.

It was taking everything in me not to pry out any bit of information I could out of her, desperate to have some better sense on what I can do or say to make her feel better. Just the small indication from what Dr. Newman said, about Joselyn saying something did cause her to spiral into a lot of stress this morning, I just feel so clueless not knowing what that was. But I know it'd be wrong to push her right now—she's already gone through so much today and if she doesn't want to talk about it anymore, I won't make her.

All I knew was that she wanted me to be here for her right now, so that's what I was going to do.

"No, no no, no." Suddenly Joselyn started to shake her head against my shoulder, slowly pulling herself away from me so she could use her own hands to wipe away at her eyes. I looked at her sadly, wondering what she could possibly be getting at. No what? "I-I don't want to cry anymore right now, I just—" She paused to blow out a heavy breath, reaching her hands out without even looking to grab each of mine in hers. "I don't want to feel alone again, I can't do this by myself." Silent tears continued to stream down her face when she finally looked back up at me, my heart breaking more when she did.