Crash [H.S.]

twenty three

Joselyn Myers

"I can't fucking look at another job application, or I'm gonna rip my god damn hair out!" I let out a frustrated groan as I ran my fingers through my hair and pushed myself away from my desk, causing my desk chair to push right into Frank who was standing behind me.

"Ouch! Okay, we can take a break." He stumbled a bit over his words, making me look over my shoulder to see him holding an arm over his stomach where I just hit him.

"Yes, we're taking a break." I blankly stated, not really giving him a choice in the matter. "Why the hell did we have to do this today? I just got back from New York last night, which is technically today, couldn't I just get a day to do nothing all day and not move from my bed?!" I was basically shouting at this point, all the frustration of sitting at my computer desk for the past 3 hours straight was finally catching up to me.

Technically I can't complain since I was the one who asked Frank to come over and help me fill out job applications after he got off work. I figured it wouldn't hurt to try and do something about my job instead of just feeling bad for myself. Clearly I was getting irritable, I was not in the mood to type out another bit of personal information or job experience for the rest of my life.

"Jos, you were the one who wanted to do this right?" He hesitantly spoke, obviously staying his distance just in case he made me crack again.

"I know I wanted to do this but...ugh!" I angrily pushed a stack of papers off my desk before burying my face in my hands.

"Hey, hey, look on the bright side, you got a ton of applications done and submitted already. I'm sure you'll hear back from them soon. There's only a few more left on our checklist." I heard Frank's voice come closer, until I felt his hand gently touch my back.

"Yeah...I guess. That should make me feel better." I let out a dry laugh, coming out more as a scoff. I pushed myself up from my chair unexpectedly, and I could feel Frank jump at the sudden movement. "But it really fucking doesn't." I could hear how angry I sounded, and it just made me let out an annoyed sigh.

"Josie, you've got to calm down. You've been pretty much silent this entire time, only really speaking up when I asked you a question about something to use for an application, now you're like spazzing out like an angry mad man." I looked up at Frank who had been gesturing his hands around while he talked and I simply squeezed my eyes shut and let out frustrated groan.

"Frank..." I sighed yet again before plopping myself on the edge of my bed, him following right after me. "I guess I'm just overwhelmed...all the built up emotions about everything is just catching up to me. Filling out these job applications is just a huge reminder that it's all real." I shook my head slowly before running a hand over my face. "Being in New York was a really nice distraction." I felt Frank scoot closer to me so he could drape his arm over my shoulders and pull me into him.

"I know it's a big thing to get through, I know, and I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that it's gonna be easy, but I know that you're strong enough to do it. You're the most talented writer I know, and you'd definitely get an A if you were in my class." I couldn't help but chuckle at his words.

"I would hope I'm better than a bunch of high schoolers." I sarcastically cut him off.

"You know what I mean, but I'm serious, your talent deserves to be recognized, and I know you'll find another way to put yourself out there...you just have to find the right path." His words seemed to trigger something in me that must've been buried deep inside me, because the next words that came out of my mouth even shocked me.

"What if I don't wanna continue being a writer?" I couldn't see Frank's face, but by the long silence that followed, I was sure it was a look of surprise.