It Ends Where It All Started ©️

32.

~LEO~

"leave Grace, I don't want you here" I said laying down on couch

I didn't look at her but I knew she was about to cry, she do it so often last couple of weeks and I know I'm the reason for her tears but she's the reason for my heart breaking.

"I'm not leaving until we talk" she said sitting down next to me and I saw mum and dad leaving

Now I'm in her hands, again, she's gonna say something that is going to piss me off even more, I'm so sure.

"does it hurt a lot?" she asked and I bite my cheek trying not to burst on her

"say what you want and leave, I don't have a nerve for you" I said

"I don't think we're on private enough place for that" she said and I looked at her

"it have to do with Leo until few months ago" she said and my breaths became heavier

"you aware that my ankle hurts that I can't walk upstairs nor something else?" I asked frowning

"you know what?" I asked few moments later

"leave Grace, I'm not in a mood for argument" I said looking away from her

"I'm scared you gonna find someone else, someone better, that you gonna leave me, that I'll loose you again. I'm scared of relationship where you're everywhere but home, but it doesn't mean I don't support you. I love seeing you on the pitch because I see that it helps you, that you feel good there and I don't want you to change it because me. I didn't want to tell you this because you already said that I don't trust you and it will just make you think that even more which is not true. I do believe you Leo, I won't let you......if I don't, I'm just scared because of your past, because of what you used to do because I think it's still early to let go of that, you were too long addicted to it to let go that easily, that's why I'm scared and I want so bad to show you how much I trust you but I can't against my gut which scares me" she said and I couldn't look at her, I knew she was crying because of her voice.

Me giving her all of me wasn't enough to prove her that I'm over my past, me making love to her wasn't enough, me giving her necklace with my name until we grow up a bit more to get married so I can give her my last name wasn't enough, me becoming someone I never thought I would be wasn't enough.

Nothing of what I did past few months wasn't enough and I don't know what else I have to do to prove her that she is worrying about nothing, that she's the only one I want to be with.

"I thought I'm gonna feel better if I tell you but knowing that you don't want to talk to me and that you won't say anything didn't make me feel better" she said

"I know it's my fault that you didn't score, that you got injuried and I'm really really sorry for that, I didn't want to distract you before match. I hope your ankle will heal well and that you'll be back on the pitch soon" she said and stood up

I fought myself not to stop her by leaving and I tried to play it cool until I heard front doors closing.

I leaned my head back on the couch throwing pillow on the floor.

I know this is all new to her and so it's to me. I know she need time to get used to this but so do I.

I will never understand how hard is to believe someone who was doing what I was doing and that's why I'm grateful that she believes me but just a little misunderstanding and it comes up, it comes up how little trust in me she actually has. And that's what hurts me the most.

I can't be with her if she doesn't fully trust me because it won't work, we gonna argue all the time, we gonna not talk every second day and I can't be in my first real relationship like that.

Maybe I rush with asking her to be my girlfriend, maybe I should give her more time to start believe me more but even if I can turn back time I won't change it, I will do exactly the same thing. Because if I could be without her, with knowing that she's not mine I won't ask her to be my girlfriend but I couldn't, I couldn't let her start this thing with someone who is not me and if that's not enough to prove her how much I love her than she's probably not the one for me and if she's not, that's my end. If it's not her it's noone.