It Ends Where It All Started ©️

68.

~LATE JULY, 2041~
~GRACE~

"I'm trying to be opened up the whole way to you, tell you what I think, how I feel but as much I did it you say something that make me doubt myself, it's probably because you're scared that I will hurt you or do something bad but I don't want you to be scared in my company, you should feel safe not scared and I hate that I can't give you that safety" he said and his voice was clearly breaking apart

I stood up walking away. I didn't want to do this to him, I just needed time to be alone, to cry it all out without him knowing because I know how much he hates when I cry and earlier he told me to don't stop smiling and now I'm feeling like crying.

I walked to the backyard sitting on the daybed and pulling my knees to my chest as tears didn't mind falling down my cheeks.

It was almost 2am and I just prayed God that person who is just walking in the kitchen won't see me even it was death dark outside.

When I heard footsteps getting closer I wanted to disappear. I should walk away from house but only God knows how scared of walking in the dark alone I am.

"what are you doing here this late? Is everything okay?" I heard mum's voice and I just burst into tears even more

"hey, what's wrong?" she asked hugging me as I cried on her shoulder

"why is this hard?" I asked through tears as she cupped my face so I was looking at her

"what's happening love?" she asked

"we can't get on the track, we are arguing and past a month since we got here we were absolutely buzzing and I can't say we argue but I just ran away from him, got here and started crying" I said

"I'm scared mum and I don't know what to do, he see it, he see it all and I see that it hurts him but I don't know what to do" I said as she wiped my tears away

"late night talks, huh?" she said smiling lightly at me causing me smile for a second

"I knew this period of life will come but I didn't think it will be so soon. One hundred percent honestly I'm gonna tell you that I felt the same even I didn't didn't always show it and your dad didn't always know for it which I definitely regret because it could affect on our confidence so if you're showing it and he see it that's okay. I know it's hard and that you're scared because of his profession but trust me Grace, we all see it, we see how much he loves you and care about you and you definitely don't have to be scared because of that. I know there always will be fear because I know it from first hand but with honesty and confidence you can do everything, just talk, be honest and trust each other"

"I can guess what scare you the most and that you probably feel uncomfortable talking to me about that but I'm your mum Grace, if you won't talk to me about that who you will then? I know how hard is not having someone to talk about that beside you and that's why I want you to know that I'm always here, no matter at what period of day you need me I'll be there, ready to talk to you and give you some advice, just like now" she said and smiled at me

I can just thank god I have mum like her, she always sees positivity in everything, in every type of situation and she always knows what to say, how to make someone feel better and I can't believe she got that all by herself, without parents by her side and that's why I'm even more thankful for her and why she is even more strong than anyone could think.

"if you don't like something, say it, if you don't want to do something, say it, don't keep it for yourself. Your dad got really mad when be find out I wasn't honest with him when I the most needed to be, so don't repeat my mistake"

~LEO~

She went to backyard to cry, thinking I can't see her. The moment I saw Ela walking towards her I just became more aware in what I said, she's scared and that's what will stand in between us and affect our relationship and I don't know what to do about it.

I closed curtains sitting on the bed and trying to find a way to get her trust me, to feel safe beside me.

Noone will ever know why she feels so scared and I can't judge her because of that but I also don't know what else I can do to finally make her believe that I will never hurt her on that way, that I will never cheat on her and get back to my old self, that Leo is dead and he will never come back, she needs to start believe that.

Minutes were passing by, hours were passing by and she wasn't coming back to me.

She didn't get back to room, to bed and I couldn't sleep, I tried to but I couldn't.

It was 5am when I woke up from bed, I put on my tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt and I went for a run.