Running in the dark

Chapter 44

A week later Remus sat down at the breakfast table where James, Mary and Sirius were sat opposite, this was the first time he had even dared to sit beside Sirius by choice, he hasn't been that fortunate in Charms where his and Sirius' seats were beside one another.

"Morning Remus," James said, he was happy that Remus was sitting with them. The situation was horrible but James could never stay mad at Sirius, Remus did not blame him, he didn't expect James to shut Sirius out as he was.

"Morning," Remus replied grabbing a slice of toast and beginning to spread butter on it, he could feel Sirius' eyes on him but didn't dare look up.

Peter and Regulus had been told about the breakup and they both didn't side with one of them. Remus and Sirius were Peter's closest friends he couldn't choose one of them and Regulus wouldn't pick between his brother and one of his best friends.

"Morning Moony," Sirius then said, it was soft and calm, saying it had churned around in his head about fifteen times before he'd finally dared to say it.

Remus looked up and was glad to find an escape when he saw Melanie wave at him from the Hufflepuff table he got up and went to walk over.

"What the fuck was that," Mary snipped at Sirius.

"What was what?" Sirius asked her.

"You're calling him Moony and it's obviously bothering him, seriously Sirius give him some space alright," she told him and in that time Peter came and took the seat Remus had been in.

Sirius looked at where Remus was now and did not seem happy about it. "Who's she?" He said it was quiet.

Peter turned to look and then turned back "Melanie Zabini, she's a Hufflepuff, a bunch of her family are Slytherins but she's nice," Peter told him.

"How does he know her?" He asked, his eyes concentrating on Remus who was laughing at something.

"She's in our year and he studies with her sometimes, she's that girl who squeezed his arm after you did the polyjuice prank," Peter replied.

"Merlin Pete, you remember too much about people," James muttered.

"She's nice I sat next to her in potions last year," Peter replied and grabbed and bit into a piece of bacon.

Jealous was the right word to describe what Sirius was feeling, Melanie had managed to have Remus laughing and chatting with her, but Sirius only had the cold shoulder from him, he knew that was his fault but he still hated it.

At dinner at the end of the week,  Dumbledore announced a rogue boggart somewhere in Hogwarts and that if it was seen alert a teacher.

Sirius had been far more talkative that week, well more talkative to Remus, he kept trying to speak to him, in the corridors, in classes at meals and even coming and sitting on the drawer beside Remus' bed and talking. Remus didn't respond at all, it was usually small things like Hi's and how are you, but other than that it was apologies, again and again, James and Regulus had told him to stop, but he had set his mind on it so nothing was changing.

Remus was happy to find he had come to dinner earlier than Sirius that day and had a lot more peace only talking with Peter and Mary.

When he left he wanted nothing more than to go and bury himself in a book, he'd been doing this more than usual recently it was an easy way to ignore Sirius by spending hours absorbed in a book.

He was halfway back when he turned a corner and Sirius was there, he was alone. He looked at Remus and smirked before walking over.

"Can I tell you a secret Remus," Sirius spoke he sounded humoured and Remus was almost sure he would say a joke.

Remus didn't respond but didn't move either, he felt rooted to the spot just looking at Sirius.

"I realised something," he said softly, but his tone seemed to darken, it made Remus' heartbeat quicken and fear boil in him.

"After you hurt Snape, I realised you really are a monster," he said, the softness completely gone. It made the air disappear from Remus's lungs and he felt himself using his hand to steady himself against the nearby wall as those piercing blue eyes stared at him.

Sirius continued venom seething from every word he said "You're a killer Remus, it's why your father hates you, I should have realised that long ago, you're not a good person, you're a beast," he snarled.

Warm tears fell from Remus' eyes he couldn't speak, nothing was right, he knew this would happen eventually, someone would finally realise what he was really and here it was.

"Did you really think anyone could actually love you?" He spat, Remus was on the floor now, clutching his head as tears fell down his face, it was true it was all true.

"Now what are you going to do, kill yourself or keep living this lie that you're harmless little Remus and not a killer," he yelled right at Remus.

"Remus?" A voice said it was softer, he looked up to see James, Sirius was beside him, and they both looked pale. Remus's eyes were puffy, he looked at both Sirius' and realised the one in front of him was the boggart.

"Ridiculus," he muttered pointing his wand and the other Sirius turned into a music box, he flicked open a nearby broom cupboard with his wand and flicked his wand again and the music box went into the cupboard the door shutting behind him.

James and Sirius came over, worried expressions planted on their faces. "It wasn't real Remus," James said. They'd heard only a little bit of what the boggart had said, but knew from how Remus was right now the rest had also not been pleasant.

James took one look at Remus and pulled him into a hug and Sirius watched, knowing that Remus' biggest fear was what he thought of him.