Running in the dark

Chapter 41

When Remus awoke, he felt someone holding his hand. He opened his eyes and saw it was Lily. James and Regulus were beside her but there was no Sirius in sight. He didn't want to wake up, he half hoped he wouldn't and that he would stay in the mindless state of sleep forever. Anything was better than here, better than knowing what had happened.

It was one reassuring smile from Lily that him break into tears. "Your hurt James, oh I'm so sorry, I've messed it all up, I hurt someone, I hurt you," he began to sob, he was shaking, he had taken his hand from Lily's grasp, and he began finding it hard to breathe.

"Remus it's alright, I'm alright Remus and Snape's alright, nothing your fault," James pleaded, Remus seemed to hear him, but his sadness did not downsize.

"I hurt you, James, you should get it treated," Remus said, the thought of James sitting beside him still hurt made everything feel even worse than it already was.

"I'm ok, Reg healed it, he's good at that and Lily stole a potion from Slughorn for the pain, it doesn't hurt at all," James replied and was pleased with the result as he saw the fear leave Remus's eyes, but the sadness was still there.

"Where is he?" Remus asked he said it quietly and could feel himself shaking a bit, he looked deathly pale, and his eyes were red with dark circles of exhaustion underneath them even though he had just slept.

"Still talking with McGonagall, " Regulus replied, his words were soft, he knew that Remus was hating himself right now, he didn't even want to imagine what he was feeling towards Sirius.

"Peter?" Remus asked, he was trying to keep Sirius from his mind but he kept coming back and he knew if he thought about him he would cry, he had already shown them enough tears.

"Making sure the others don't get suspicious," Lily spoke, she was already holding Remus' hand again, it was small but it made Remus feel a whole lot calmer.

"You're awake, that's good, but I'm going to need you three to leave," she said, there was no room for debate and they said goodbyes and soon Remus found it was just him and Pomfrey.

"McGonagall would like to talk to you, not now, you can rest now, but as soon as you're ready to," She told him and he nodded.

"Severus woke up, he's alright, I gave him some of the sleeping draught," she went on, she just wanted to keep his mind occupied, she could see his cheeks were stained with tears and knew this event was going to hurt him more than any scar would.

"They're going to expel me, aren't they," Remus replied softly, he wouldn't meet her eye and stared blankly at the end of the bed, he was happy to find he'd been dressed into some of his Pyjamas.

"No of course not, this is not your fault Remus, not at all," she said reassuring him, she was positive he wouldn't be leaving this school and if he did it would have been after she fought for him to stay, Remus didn't deserve this.

By mid-morning the next day, a whole day without seeing any of his friends again, he was being allowed to leave, Snape had left earlier that morning and he only gave one glance at Remus before walking out.

He was meant to head straight to McGonagall, it was Thursday morning so many people would be in class but McGonagall had decided the urgency of this talk meant she could hand some of her classes over for someone else to teach, even if that did mean Dumbledore took over some of her classes and was talking mostly nonsense to first years.

Remus knocked on her office door and heard her call for him to come in. She gestured him to a seat opposite her desk which he took. She gave him a reassuring smile, hoping to calm his nerves, but it did not have the desired effects.

"Remus, Slughorn and I have already talked to Severus and he will not be telling anyone about what happened, Mr Potter and Mr Pettigrew, both have detention once a week for the next month, this is for the foolishness of them coming into the shack, you will have that same punishment for letting it continue," she said, but it wasn't stern, it was soft, she wished she didn't have to give him any punishment, but she had to. He nodded in return and she continued.

"Mr Black will be in detention twice a week for the next two months and I have given him a stern telling off he has apologised to Severus and will do the same to you I am sure, I'm sorry this happened Remus, I know it will be hard on you, you're excused from lessons for the rest of the week and my door is always open," she told him.

"Thank you, Professor," he said softly before standing up and leaving. He headed straight to his dorm where he sat on the edge of his bed, he couldn't think, he hadn't thought in a day, he wanted to scream and shout but it was all bottled up.

It was like something had been torn from him, taken and unable to be put back, he couldn't place what it was until it worked through the door later that day, Sirius.

When his eyes met Remus' he broke down in seconds. "Remus I'm so sorry, I can't begin to say, I didn't mean for it to happen," he began to blurt, his mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour and it was all about Remus.

"I screwed up, and I know you should hate me, I deserve it, I'm just so sorry Remus," he was pleading, pleading for Remus to at least talk to him.

Remus finally found his voice again and he looked at Sirius and said "I do hate you,"