Running in the dark

Chapter 76

James dived into his notes most of the time, he always wanted to try and find any leads to help the Order and so that was what he was doing.

There was a knock on the door and James got up from the pile of papers around him, he walked over, it was probably Sirius, wanting to go and get a drink. Sirius had been doing this a lot recently, he liked trying to raise spirits and get James out of the house every so often. He walked over and unlocked the door, rubbing his eyes, he'd refuse to go out but Sirius would drag him, he was very persuasive.

"You know," James began and he looked up and his knees buckled he fell at the sight of seeing the ghost. But there was no ghost. Ghosts were transparent and floated, this was someone alive.

"James," came the voice crouching down beside him, the voice that didn't belong to him, the voice that belonged to a dead body. "It's alright," the voice soothed.

James let out a gasp of air and found himself clutching the ghost by the shoulders, finally daring to look into its eyes "You're not here, this isn't real," he cried out, his mouth felt dry.

"James I'm here," he replied, he took James' chin into his fingers and tilted it up so their eyes were completely meeting.

"Regulus," James said, it came out more like a sob than words, his eyes were filling with tears and Regulus nodded.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into James' ear. His tone was soft and made James gulp.

James was going to faint, he was sure of it. It was too much, and he was sure if he did he would awake alone, this would have been a horrible dream, a horribly beautiful dream.

...

When James awoke again he was in his bed, the room was empty and it was night, he looked through his home for the sign of anyone else but it was empty. He was angry beyond compare. He stormed outside and looked up, at the Leo constellation and he pointed at the brightest star there, Regulus.

"You think this is funny, that you can haunt my head with dreams, huh, it's not, it's not fucking funny," he yelled, warm tears spilling from his cheeks.

It had felt so real, too real and now here he was again, with no Regulus beside him, alone.

"You can't just do that to me, it's not fair, I loved you and now you're gone, it's not fair," he was yelling loudly without a care in the world, the dream was plaguing his mind, it had felt too real, but it wasn't.

"Fuck you, fuck you for making me love you and fuck you for making me still love you," he screamed, he was breaking, it was all horrible, everything was horrible, he was so wrapped up in it all he couldn't hear the person repeating his name again and again as they walked closer, he didn't hear it until their hand was on his shoulder and turning him to face them.

"James, I'm here," Regulus said to him and as James looked him in the eyes he knew that it hadn't been a dream at all. Regulus took one look at his tear-stained face and engulfed him in his arms again.

He had levitated James to his bed after he had fainted and after a while of sitting there, just holding his hand he needed air to breathe, and then James had walked out screaming and Regulus knew how much he'd hurt him.

"How? How are you here?" James sobbed.

"I faked my death James, I'm sorry," Regulus replied softly, his hand in James' hair, stroking it softly. He realised he was crying too, coming here was the first thing he did, he had missed this man too much.

"You wrote a fucking letter, you wrote a fucking letter," James sobbed, he was shaking and Regulus wasn't completely convinced that he wouldn't faint again.

"At that time I didn't know if I would or wouldn't die, James, even if I did survive, faking my death was the only way," Regulus told him. "Let's get you inside, you'll catch a cold," he then said.

"A fucking cold, Regulus you're alive and you're worrying about me catching a fucking cold," James said and he pulled away, he was laughing a little at the stupidness of it.

"I guess I am," Regulus said softly and then he took James by the arm and guided him into the flat.

They walked inside and sat on the sofa, James was rubbing his tears away and he was just so shocked.

"I'm sorry for showing up so abruptly, I just had to see you," Regulus said softly.

"Where have you been Reg?" James asked softly.

Regulus lost his words for a few seconds after James' use of the nickname. "I've been working with Pandora, Barty and Evan, to find Horcruxes, their part of Voldemort's soul, we found them all and destroyed them, then there was just him left to kill," Regulus told him.

"You're going to kill him?" James asked, he found himself wanting to hold onto Regulus again.

"James, I already have, the war is over," Regulus responded.

"You- you ended the war," James said softly and Regulus nodded. James was over him in seconds pulling him in by the waist and hugging him again.

"Regulus you- I fuck-" James began to say but he was crying again.

"Take your time," Regulus said, he was now rubbing James' back soothing him.

"I fucking love you," James sobbed and Regulus tried to hold it together, James still loved him, not a star he shouted up at the sky at, but him.

"I love you to James," Regulus replied.

James raised his head from Regulus' shoulder and Regulus was sure he was going to kiss him but then there was a pounding at the door and then the lock clicked and it was flung open.

"James, some fucker did it, some fucker killed-" Sirius began to yell and Remus came in behind him but they were stopped in place at the sight on the sofa.