Running in the dark

Chapter 64

Love was something James cherished and now it is gone. He started depressed and angry and then became empty.

Then things began to fill again. He began to laugh, he smiled, he went to meals, and he was getting better.

It had taken a big toll on his physical and mental health but he was bouncing back just in time for NEWTs and the last quidditch match against Ravenclaw.

He hadn't seen Regulus at all and was happy that now in may that the exams kept him so preoccupied that his head was always down, he felt like Remus and began to worry about if he got neck pain for always looking down at books.

Remus had gotten better and he was glad for that, it was a massive relief when he put on a sweater again at the end of march.

Remus was a big help with NEWTs, he made sure James and Sirius were studying more on their weaker studies, doing his own studies and keeping calm with the moon that was a couple of days before his first exam.

James had to pry a book out of Remus' hands on the morning after the moon because he was meant to be sleeping, Madam Pomfrey noticed it and kept walking.

James was filled back with all the things that had poured out, all except Regulus, he was relieved not to see him at all but he felt a pass of him was missing without him. He missed Regulus but he hated him. Some nights he would get the map and just open it and search for his name, it was almost always in his dorm but occasionally James would spot it in the common room or even at the astronomy tower, James felt annoyed by this and wanted to go and scold Regulus and tell him that if he's outside he might get sick or that staying up this late was not good.

James didn't have nightmares he had dreams. Happy dreams about Regulus so that when he awoke he would turn to Regulus and then find the bed beside him cold and realise where he was and what had happened.

He always used to be the happy one but for a while, that died away from him and he couldn't laugh. When he came back it felt like a relief that he was finally able to find a missing piece of himself and place it back together, he began to come back together bit by bit with the help of his friends and himself and soon James could say he was growing.

Sirius was sure he had left his brother twice before, when he got into Gryffindor and when he left home. Both times he was wrong he had never really left Regulus he was always still there, but now he was sure that he had done it and there was no going back.

He cried out of anger and guilt. He was so angry that Regulus had done it, that he had chosen to join the death eaters and work for a psychotic maniac. He was angry that Regulus had done this despite the fact that there was James and him who was already planning to fight for Dumbledore, that he chose this side knowing who he would be against.

The guilt was worse, it burned deep inside of him. He thought of so many ways of how he could have stopped it, he could have made Regulus run away with him where he left home, he could have kept checking to make sure Walburga and Orion weren't corrupting him, he could have tried to be a better brother. This is where the nightmares came from, he couldn't count the time that he woke up crying and Remus would have to soothe him, holding him until he stopped shaking and the tears went away.

The guilt and anger began to fade and he tried to help Remus with his grief. Remus was struggling with lots, he got off his crutches soon enough but the new scar on his face drew a lot of unwanted attention which Remus was not fond of.

It was quite a scary experience when Sirius, James and Peter came into the dorm room to find Remus incoherently sobbing and then he turned to them talking in such a thick Welsh accent that they couldn't tell if he was shouting at them, himself or something else when he calmed they found out he was just genuinely stressed with the fact that he couldn't put on a sweater without crying.

Sirius supported Remus like Remus was doing for him. They both helped James and so did Peter, handling a sad James was not something they would often find and so his being so broken was very upsetting.

Peter was great, he held them all together he was stressed and usually was at a lack of sleep that he began to sleep in classes but when he was awake he was trying to lighten moods and comfort them, Marlene was good at that too.

Marlene was often with Dorcas hearing her rants about how idiotic what they are doing are, how dangerous it is and that she couldn't believe them. Losing all her friends in Slytherin was hard and she saw them non-stop, Barty would always give her a soft smile when passing her in the common room, she would ignore it but once she was in her room away from them she would cry.

The stress that they all got added on with the exams but when they were finally free of the Great hall and the scratching of quills it felt like a breath of freedom and relaxation, it was now only the final quidditch match and then a couple of weeks later school would be over, they would be starting a new chapter in there lives.

They had all lost so much from this but they were starting to heal and move on.

(So yes I know big time skip but I still have a lot left to do there approximately around two years left of this fic, I hope you're all enjoying it)