Restoring The Blue Eyed Wolf.

Chapter 4.

Connor's POV.

Sometimes I can't stand to be in the same room as another Alpha. It's like they're taunting me and I hate it. I know Conan is my father, but sometimes it's hard to be around him.

Amber helps when I become overly rude to him. I don't even realize what I'm doing most times. This is all Fenris's fault. Even in death he still has a hold over my life.

It's like he's always standing over me, dictating my every move and I can't stand it. When I sleep, my dreams have him in it. When I'm awake, the way I react and my not remembering anything is all due to him.

He's my biggest hurdle and I still want to call him Alpha sometimes. I catch myself calling him Alpha at least three times a day. It sucks.

" Don't think about that jerk right now. Pay attention to the girl in front of you who deserves all your attention. " says my wolf.

He's right. I shouldn't let myself keep thinking of this. It's hard though, very hard. I shake my head and look over at Amber.

She looks at me. " You're not ok, are you?" She says.

I shake my head and stupidly del a few tears well up in my eyes. She deserves better than this. " That's all right. I don't expect you to be better so quickly. Things like this take time. You be you, that's all I ask for. " says Amber.

I nod in response and when I blink a single tear runs down my cheek. She wipes it away and turns me to where my head is buried in her neck.

" We can talk more about this tonight before bed. If things become too much FR you tonight. You can go for a walk to relax. Ok?" Says Amber.

I nod and back up. I then offer her a small smile. She grins back and after a few minutes, Alpha Conan walks through the door and takes a seat.

We nod at him and Amber grins. " Everyone's here. Let's eat. " says Amber.

That's what we did. The food dishes are being passed around and plates are being filled. Light conversation fills the room and smiles are on every face.

" How's the prison coming along?" Asks Amber.

" Fantastic. Alpha Conan is a huge help. " says Tasha.

" Well Tasha is a good leader. " says Alpha Conan.

" Well good. I'm glad things are going smoothly. " says Amber.

" Me too. I think the prisoners are enjoying their new accommodations too. " says Tasha.

" That's what I like to hear. " replies Amber with a huge grin on her face.

Clayton takes a bite of food and groans at the taste. " Whoever made this food. Thank you. " he said.

" The cooks worked hard to make this food. I'll be sure to let them know you said that. " says Amber.

" Nonsense. I can tell them myself. " says Clayton.

" Well if you insist. " says Amber.

I manage to crack a small smile. It's nice to hear everyone so happy. " How was your day Connor?" Asks Tasha.

I look up at her. A little shocked that she asked me so directly. " Uh, my day was good. I learned a lot about the work this pack does in the human town. " I say.

" Ohh, I heard about that before. It's a very interesting concept. I just love how everything fits together and works out for the pack. " says Tasha.

" I'll have to ask my dad if the same happens for his pack. " says Amber.

" It is very interesting. I enjoyed learning about it. We also put flowers on all the graves. " I say.

" That's sweet of you two. " says Clayton.

" I'm proud of you two. " says Alpha Conan.

" Yeah. I am too. " says Tasha.

" Thank you. " I say.

" All part of being a pack. " says Amber.

We continue to eat for a while before all the plates empty and glasses have been drunk. " It is time for dessert. The cooks have made us some chocolate cake. " says Amber.

Cheers were heard from Clayton and Tasha. Amber starts laughing and the cake is delivered to the table.

Amber has to cooks sit down and join us for some cake. They were very grateful for that and we all enjoyed it together.

Finally, I started to get overwhelmed so I left early and we to our room and sat on the bed. A lot of different thoughts have been circling my mind.

What can I do to stop these nightmares? I would do anything for a simple nights rest with no dreams whatsoever. I groan and lay back on the bed. My hands over my eyes.

Why does everything have to be so complicated?  I get my mind will heal in time, but it feels like it's taking forever. I'm not remembering anything and I'm afraid I'll remain like this forever.

I can't live like this forever. Amber doesn't deserve that. I want to remember more about her, I want to remember everything about her. The first time I saw her face, her scent hitting my nose for the very first time. Our first kiss. I would do anything to remember that, but it's blank. Almost like it was never there and it's beginning to tick me off.

I wonder if anyones ever been in my situation before? I wonder what they did about it too.

" Don't rush these things. They take time. You're only going to make yourself more frustrated. " Says my wolf.

" Then what am I supposed to do?  I can't keep on with the way things are?!" I shout out loud.

" That's what I wanted to talk to you about. " I look at the door and see Amber standing there with a somber look.

" Sorry. " I say.

" Don't apologize for the way you feel Connor. It's ok to feel this way. " says Amber coming up to sit by me as I sit up.

" I don't know what to do. " I say.

" Well, I did some digging and I found out something I think would be if it you greatly if you're willing to do it?" Says Amber.

" What is it?" I ask.

" Have you ever heard of therapy?" She asks.

" I've heard of it, but I've never really known what it's about. " I say.

I sit still as Amber explains to me what therapy is and the benefits of it. It all seems a bit ridiculous to me, but I'll do anything if it'll help at this point.

Once she finishes I speak up. " I'm open to anything right now and if you think it will help me then I'll do it. " I say.

She smiles at me reassuringly. " I'll get everything needed for us to get it set up and we'll go from there. " says Amber.

" Thank you. " I say.

She says nothing, but she leans over me kisses me and just like that, my night is already better.

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A/N. Hey guys. Hope you enjoyed. The next chapter will be in Amber's POV. Until then. :-)