Restoring The Blue Eyed Wolf.

Chapter 76.

John's POV.

After dinner as said and done and everyone had been shown their rooms and were in bed and asleep. I tossed and turned for a while before I succumbed to the fact that I wouldn't be able to sleep for now.

So instead I got up and got on my slippers and made my way out of my room and down the hall towards the kitchen. One of the best things there is that there's a little balcony for us to sit on and watch the pack grounds from a distance.

My wrist was also hurting a bit and I took some pain meds before walking to the back door and opening it to the balcony. I walked out and leaned against the raining.

There were bright stars in the sky and very few clouds. The weather felt great. Not too cold and not too hot. It was the recent temperature for a nice summers night. It was getting close to Fall anyway so the rather was cooling down faster at nights.

I know I should be sleeping but sometimes I hate to close my eyes. All I see is flashbacks from the attack those humans did to me. I haven't told Alpha Grace I've been suffering from nightmares. I don't want to be any more of a burden to hurt than I already am.

That stupid anxiety attack I had that she had to help me through was embarrassing. I never should have let myself get so worked up like that. I can't even remember why I was so worked up in the first place.

I was excited my parents were coming for a visit but I wasn't nervous about it. Emotions are so confusion sometimes. I know women have them worse at times but they are so strong to be able to handle them without letting anyone know just how much they are currently going through or that they need help. They are also the first to ask for help with problems when it comes to girls and boys.

As boys we like to tough it out to show the women we're strong, capable men that can lead and protect not only them but the pack we live in and the people who reside in them.

My dad can hide his feelings retry well but he was never able to hide them from mom. She always knew when something was bothering him. Amber began to do the same and soon was Leah's able to tell when something bothered either myself or our father. It's incredible how their minds work and they are so good at solving problems. They are so good to us and Lord knows we don't deserve them, yet here they are.

As I stare out across the pack, I see many lights out in many different houses. Must be wools having a great night or staying up late to talk or watch a nice show together. Sometimes I miss the companionship I felt when I had Amelia by my side.

I know I did the right thing by rejecting her. She was partly to blame for the death of Alpha George and the kidnapping of Connor. She ran away when I was hurt and needed her most. Now she's gone and part of me still misses her.

The bond we shared, the feeling of knowing when the other is near, I was almost ready to say I loved her when the attack with the humans happened and we found out where her true loyalties lie.

I wish things had turned out different and I wish she hadn't been killed by Fenris, but sadly tragedies happen and there's nothing we can do about it except move forward and make a new future for ourselves.

" Bad dreams keeping you from sleeping?" Asked a voice behind me.

I knew instantly that it was my mother. I turned to look at her as she walked out to join me on the balcony. " They keep me up most night actually. " I admit softly.

" You know it's bad for you to go without sleep? I've heard that not sleeping good makes things worse for those with PTSD or anxiety. Because they don't sleep they lack the energy to fight off any sort of mental attack they have and other times if they're simply awake for too long hallucinations start. " said my mother.