Ecstasy

First, Only, and Last Love

"Round and round like a horse on a carousel, we go.

Will I catch up to love? I can never tell, I know.

Chasing after you is like a fairytale." 

- Excerpt from Carousel by Melaine Martinez

When I wake up, it's two in the morning. Enzo is cozy right behind me and I turn to look at his beautiful face.

I want to be with him... so badly.

However, I know, I can't anymore.

I don't know when I lost the chance but the opportunity is long gone now. He's going to marry someone else.

I wriggle out of his grasp ever so slightly. I have to be patient and I make sure I inch farther and farther away from him so I'm free. I don't want him to wake up.

He's not going to let me leave in the daytime so I decide I'm going to leave at night. I can't bear looking at his face when I break up with him.

He'll shower me with everything, I'll end up crying, and the process just repeats, eventually ending up with me getting back together with him.

The shit he's doing...

I don't deserve it.

I'm finally out of his reach and I slowly get out of bed. I quickly put on some clothes already laid out. Hannah will be picking me up once I arrive at a certain cafe.

I grab my duffel bag and I go downstairs slowly. I'm surprised everybody was asleep even though it was around three in the morning.

I go through the garage. It'll be less suspicious than walking through the front door.

I reach to open the door into the garage when I hear a gruff voice mumbling something.

It's Enzo. I know it is. He's the only male that speaks Russian in this house.

Shit. How the hell did he wake up so quickly?

"What are you doing up?" he grumbles. I turn around and I throw a smile on my face to try and convince him to go back to bed.

"I'm just getting a drink of water," I lie, "You should go back to bed, you came in late last night."

"I want to sleep with you. I'll wait," he says, his voice croaking a little bit due to sleep. He begins walking towards me.

No. He'll see the bag. He needs to just go back to bed.

"I'm just thirsty," I rush out, "I don't want you to wait for me."

He continues coming closer to me till I'm backed up against the counter.

"Why are you moving away from me?" he asks. I'm starting to make out some of his face. It's very dark.

"I'm not," I say, well more like whisper. He's too close and eventually he ends up wrapping his arms around me.

He then stops dead in his tracks, specifically when he feels the bag.

He grabs it tightly trying to pull it out of my hands but I don't let go. He lets go seeing my persistence and looks at me in shock.

I know it's dark but I can see his facial expressions because my eyes have adjusted.

"Are you leaving me?" he asks. His tiredness is gone and is replaced by pure seriousness.

His face hardens at my silence. I look down on the floor, he already knows what my answer will be.