Hearts We Mend To Break (Book I)

.13.

💫ANGEL💫

It had been a month since I left home and started a new life. Anxiety sometimes took over my body, leaving me in the type of shambles that shake you up all day and keep your motor running all night. Running off little to no sleep, always smoking my way through the worst of my thoughts and feelings, I was struggling to find a healthy balance without falling back into my downward spiral.

I found comfort in being around my new friend group. Everyone was solid and never pried too much. Vanessa was the best of them. This could be because we had a physical thing going behind closed doors, but I didn't care enough to analyze the details. Neither of us felt anything for each other, but we'd mastered the art of making each other feel good. No strings attached.

The only thing I felt like I was missing, at times, was someone I could be open with and who really knew me. That was how I'd always stay chained to home. I needed that understanding and long-term safety net sometimes. Especially when my mind got the best of me.

"What's going on, Lee? How's everything going back at home?"

"Everything is exactly the same, dude. How's college? You still a stick in the mud or have you found yourself?" She laughed at her weak joke. I've always hated that.

"Stick in the mud." Letting out a long exhale, I leaned deeper into my couch, taking a drag of my joint. "I miss you, too. Anything new?"

"Your car is ready. As a matter of fact, that's why I was calling you."

"Because?"

"Because I was wondering if you wanted me to bring your car down to you. I can't imagine how you're getting around down there. Plus, you love this old piece of junk."

"Loved, Lee. Past tense. I haven't looked at that car since that night. I—I don't think I can." On my sixteenth birthday, my dad bought me a 1964 Mustang 289 Convertible. The original. I named her Big Red. She was my first love and I kept her in top notch condition up until the worse night of my life. I hadn't seen her since that night. It was like I lost both of the most important women in my life at the same time. Truth is, I wasn't ready to see Big Red. I wasn't ready to sit in that driver's seat knowing what had taken place a few years ago. There are some events that make you who you are, in the best way possible. There are others that turn you into the worst version of yourself, breaking you slowly into a million pieces. The type of pieces it was almost impossible to put back together. That is where I was. My spirit, my heart, and my mind were all ruined. I'd already seen the worst of my days. This me that made it to college was as good as it could have gotten.

My breathing became uneven as I thought about it. I didn't want to lose my cool. I couldn't. So, I pulled myself together. I took a deep breath, eyes shut, mind slowly calming.

"So, what you're saying is—I can sell it?"

"Lee."

"Or not. Hey, how's that chick you were fooling around with? Your neighbor." Lee was good at minding my business. She had always been like a leech, draining everyone around her of all of their secrets. At least she never shared those secrets with anyone else. I could say that much about her.

"She's—around." Little did Lee know, she was in my shower, cleaning off the mess we both made all over her body.

"You've always been one lucky bastard. Even full of hate and depression you manage to nail hot women. I wish I had your luck."