Hearts We Mend To Break (Book I)

.26.

💫ANGEL💫

***WARNING: Very Emotional/slightly devastating***

FOLLOWING THAT SPECTACULAR twelve hours of lust, love, and everything I never knew I needed, I made a decision not to fight my feelings. Not to be afraid of something that could be so beautiful, adding an enormous amount of joy and color to my grey and poorly shaded life. I jumped up from bed, showered, and got on the phone. After ordering an outrageous amount of flowers and having them delivered to Giselle's door, I waited the hour until delivery, then called her up.

Listening to the happiness fill her voice as she anticipated my grand gesture gave me a certain level of fulfillment I could never describe. The butterflies, the cold sweats, the hopefulness that took over my spirit broke down more bricks on the wall that barely existed anymore. I felt good. It had been so long since I could admit something like that. That I could feel something like that. It almost felt impossibly delusional. And then there was silence. Just like that, she'd hung up the phone and I couldn't get her back on to save my life. No matter how many times I tried. What happened? Guess I'd have to wait to find out.

PREPARING FOR LOKI'S PARTY, I was dealing with three druggies, doped up and drunk all day. Vanessa came over with Carmen, hearing all the commotion from across the hall. They just loved her. Lee wasn't that fond of Carmen, though. She kept her distance. I wasn't surprised. After spending the day with a girl like Giselle, you'd develop a bad taste for a girl like Carmen. She didn't stand a chance either. Vanessa's energy was magnetic. She hit it off with my friends with ease.

"So, you've been bagging my boy these last two months with no strings?" Rod was a prier. He was good for that.

"No strings." Vanessa boasted.

"He had me first." Carmen joined in. Why anyone would be proud of something like that, I'll never know, but it turned me so far off, I had to leave the room to smoke a blunt.

Sitting in my room, on my bed, my mind went all the way left. I kept thinking about that stupid car. That dreadful car. The painful night that changed the course of my entire life. I reached underneath my pillow and pulled out my rabbit's foot. Shutting my eyes as I ran my fingers across the softness made goosebumps rise up the back of my arms. "Dammit Lina", I cursed her in my head. Saying her name, even just subconsciously, was almost as bad as me saying it aloud. My heart ached. My chest caved in over and over, smothering me just enough to cause panic, but not enough to put me out of my misery. My body swayed involuntarily, trying to soothe the pain. It didn't help. Once the weed invaded my system, it still didn't cure me of the agony I fought to keep away. Hearing the familiar laughs and voices of my friends from home didn't help either. The reminisce of home, the past, and sorrowful years excruciating pain rang through my ears, hearing their voices.  Every second that passed made me sink deeper and deeper into my slow death.

"I was reading this article the other day about how twins transfer their energy to one another even if they're miles apart." Lina took a drag of the blunt, holding in the toxins, and passing it to me.

I mimicked her, taking a drag and passing it back. "What do you mean?" I asked, clenching my throat to hold in the smoke a while longer.

As she blew out her first pull, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the high that approached her quickly. "I mean, if I'm feeling fucking amazing and you weren't, I could pass on some of my feelings to you. I even read that one twin girl was pregnant and when she went into labor, her sister started having labor pains, but she wasn't pregnant."