IMPOSSIBLE

22 - Falling Apart

Leah's POV

Did you ever have a dream where you're falling endlessly and you wait for the impact that's going to kill you? That's how I felt. And Jennifer was the one pushing me. She was standing on the edge staring down at me, while I kept on falling. I was falling and falling, her words echoing in my head.

„Leah?", she softly asked me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I stared at her. A knot build up inside of me.
„I'm so sorry, I wasn't myself and I wasn't sure of what we were and I just... There's no excuse just please. Leah I... I want to be with you."

„What a weird way to show me that.", I said and got up.
She's gotta be kidding me. Him. The one who beat the shit outta her. Of all the things she let him inside her pants. The thought disgusted me.

She got up and came closer, touching my arm, but I flinched. „Don't touch me!", I gritted out through my teeth.
The mix of emotions I had were killing me. I was angry, disappointed and most of all, heartbroken. I've never fallen for anyone like that. I trusted her.

„See? I told you. Women can be assholes too.", my voice cracked at the last words while tears started running down my cheeks.

„But at least they talk.", she replied, quoting me.

I sobbed as tears kept streaming. No one ever hurt me like that in a long while.

„Can I talk?", she asked me.

„No. Get out.", I gritted.

„Mami, please."

She never called me mami before. I loved it and it made my heart drop to the floor, only to smash on it and shatter into pieces, again.

„We weren't a couple, so technically..."

„Don't you dare saying that!", I snapped at her.

„We weren't commited! But I'm ready now.."

„Oh and you needed to fuck your asshole ex first to be ready?" I raised my voice.
I can not believe her right now.

„Have some dick before you're commiting to pussy, is that what it is?", I kept on raging.

„Stop it, you're making me feel like a whore.", Jennifer said quietly.

„Well..." I glared at her. I knew I hurt her saying that, but I didn't care. She deserves to be hurt.

„Was it good, huh?"
„Leah, stop!" Tears were streaming down her face.
„Was it?"
„No!", she yelled at me.

„I'm leaving with the next flight." It hurt me physically, saying that.
„Leah, don't be so stubborn."

„Excuse me? You cheated on me!"

„We're not a couple."

„You're right. We're not."

„Leah..."

„Leave. I can't stand to look at you." I gritted again.

Jennifer let her head sink.
„Please just... don't throw this away."
She walked to the door and pressed the handle, then turned around to look at me.

„I won't. You already did that. Now get out."
I gritted those last words again, being mad as hell.

I heard her sobbing, then she walked out and closed the door.

Right where I was standing I broke down, shivering, crying.

Once again, I got hurt. This time from someone I'd never expected me to. I sat there for a while, burying my face in between my arms, crying my heart out.
I'm not only in love with her. No, I love her.

The door opened again and Jennifer walked back in. She looked furious.

„You know what? No. You don't get to call me a whore! I made a mistake, yes! But it wasn't about you! We're not exclusive and who or who I not fuck is none of your fucking business!", she yelled at me.

It felt like she was pushing me off that edge over and over again. I stood up.

„So there had to be a binding contract to be? Are you alright Jennifer, because you seem totally different from what I know you." I yelled back at her.

„You don't know me! At all! You have no idea what... no. It doesn't matter. I didn't cheat. I'm sorry I hurt you. I could have just never told you, instead I chose to be honest!"

„You want a medal for that?", I snapped.

„Fuck you, Leah.", she snapped right back.

That hurt even more. How did we get there. Why was she so... not herself. So emotional.

„You're only making this worse. Leave, Jennifer."

„Get down from your high horse Leah. As if you never did anything wrong." She wasn't yelling anymore, but she was still so mad.

„Just stop, I don't even wanna talk to you anymore."

Jennifer rolled her eyes as if I was the one being unreasonable, when in fact she was.

„Grown people work on their relationships when something's wrong, they forgive."

How did we get from fuck you to forgiveness?

„You expect me to forgive you? After that shit show you just delivered? How are you so delusional?"

„Okay, then don't. Leave!", she said, yelling those last word, stormed out and slammed the door shut.

She left me in shock. What was that? She clearly went out of line here and she didn't even notice.

I broke back down on the floor, my hands were shaking.

After calming down I grabbed my phone from the bed, looking for flights back to New York. I found one leaving tomorrow morning at 9. Perfect. I need to get out of here as soon as possible.

I didn't want to, actually. But every minute I'm staying here hurts.

I ordered an Uber for 7 in the morning, the earlier I'm leaving, the better. Then I crawled back into bed and cried until I fell asleep at some point.

I woke up feeling hungover, somehow. My reflection in the mirror confirmed what I already knew. I look terrible.

I got ready, and packed the few things I had unpacked yesterday. Then I walked to the bed and lied down on it, trying to find a spot that smells like her. This would be the last time smelling her. I don't know why I torture myself like that, but I inhaled it for a few minutes, before I got up and quietly left the house.