IMPOSSIBLE

53 - Marc

Jennifer's POV

Just like he said before he was here in no time. We got straight to the point, I started by telling him what Alex did to me when we were a couple and it got him pretty mad.

Then I went on, telling him about how he raped me. I didn't get much into details, but I managed to describe not only the fact that he raped me, but also, how he did it. It wasn't easy, but I was able to tell him. Marc roamed around the room, cursing in spanish, saying all kinds of insults that came to his mind.

Then he walked over to me, I was sitting on the sofa, and pulled me up and into his arms. With him holding me, I practically lost control over my body. I cried and sank into his arms, tried to grab his shirt to get a hold so I wouldn't just slip through his arms because my legs felt wobbly. At some point, he guided us to the floor so I wouldn't have to stand. His back was leaning against the sofa, his knees bended, surrounding me comfortably. I lied sideways on his chest, shaken by my cries.

It felt good talking to him and to be able to let it out. Marc had one hand on my head, where he held on to my hair, pressing me close to his chest, while his other hand had a firm hold on my shoulder. Safe in his embrace, that's how I felt. I calmed down, then Marc loosened his grip on me and caressed my head instead.

„I'm glad you told me. I know that wasn't easy for you but I'm happy you did.", he said.

That felt good to hear. It was simple but it felt good.

„There's more.", I said, because I feel I needed to prepare him that that's not the end, but given that he knows Alex was shot in my apartment, he probably knew anyways.

„Wanna talk about it now?", he asked.
„No.", I said.
„Okay."
We stayed in our position for a little while longer. He let me stay in control of what happens next. He didn't rush or try to make it better in any way. He just let me be, let me suffer, until I lifted my head, because I felt that I was done.

Or faces were just inches away, my cheeks were wet from crying, my nose was probably red. „Thank you.", I whispered and got back up on my feet.

I inhaled deeply, then exhaled sharply.
„Bubble bath?", Marc asked, getting on his feet as well.

A soft giggle left my mouth. He knows me so well. „Yes.", I smiled.
„Let me draw you one."
I nodded and made myself tea while he drew me a bath.

When he yelled: „Done!" I walked into the bathroom.
„Will you be fine in here?", he asked me.
„I will, thank you... Just.. leave the door a little bit open?", I asked him and he nodded, leaving the bathroom while leaving the door a bit open.

I undressed and lowered myself into the warm and comforting water. I hummed a soft „mhh", when my head was the only part of me outside the water. My body felt somehow exhausted. Probably of crying and shaking. Same as my mind. But talking and suffering meant progress.

The only thing I heard was the foam around me, crackling softly as the bubbles popped.
I lowered myself a little more, so that my mouth almost touched the foam. Soothing it was and I began to nod off.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Alex sitting in front of me, smiling. I screamed, held on to the edge of the bathtub, as if Alex could pull on my legs anytime and I yelled „MARC!!!".

I had my eyes closed but felt his hands on my arms with firm pressure.
„Out, get me out!", I panted.

Marc lifted me out by grabbing my upper arms and as soon as I was out he threw the towel  that was next to us over my back and wrapped his arms around me.

„What happened?"
„I saw him. Alex. In the tub."
„Oh mami..."
He held me close, then I gave our bodies some space so that I could wrap the towel around my front as well. Nothing he hasn't seen before.

I was disappointed. I thought talking meant progress, not Alex haunting me even more. Just my mind playing tricks on me. I'll get through this.

„Okay.", I whispered and took a step back. „I made you all wet."

Marc shrugged his shoulders.
„They needed to be washed anyway."
„Why don't you change and we meet downstairs?", I suggested.
„You're fine in here?"
„I have to be. I will."
„Call me, if not."
I smiled again as if saying yes and he left.

I was doing okay. Not that I didn't turn my head from time to time to look at the bathtub to make sure he really wasn't there, but of course I knew it was my mind, reacting to bringing everything to the surface.

I dried myself, put lotion on my skin and my face and left my hair wet, then got dressed into baggy sweats and a crop top.

Marc was already downstairs.

„You okay?"
„Yes. Marc, thank you for doing this. I don't take it for granted."
„You're the mother of my children. I'll always take care of you."
„Thank you, papi."

We went for a walk in the landscape around the house and we talked about the rape more, which I was able to do now without crying. Maybe I've cried enough tears for today. Then he asked about Leah.

„We're on a break.", I explained.
„That's another thing, I... when I dream, I see her. First there's Alex and then he'll turn into her or she appears and is not.. not the Leah she is. She's... not better than him, in my dreams. And she never did anything to deserve that I think of her like that."

„You don't think of her like that.", Marc said.
„I don't?"
„No. But she was there, right? Both times. So your brain is probably mixing things up. You yourself know, she's not like that in any way."

He was right. I do know that.
„Still, it terrifies me. And it makes me transport my feelings into real life and I don't know what to do about it. I love her and I don't want us to end, Marc."
„Have you told her that?"
„I think so, yes."
„Well, did she get it?"
„I hope so... Maybe I'll tell her again."
„Mhmh."

Back inside dinner was almost ready for us and I decided to text Leah. I couldn't call her, yet.

„I'm thinking of you. I'm doing okay and I'll get better. Please don't hate me for sending you away. I did it, because I love you and I want us to work. I hope you can wait for me to get better. Love, Jennifer"

I didn't tell her Marc was with me, it'll only make her worried or even mad.. or hurt her. I'll tell her when it's over.

Her answer came back a few minutes later.
„I don't hate you. I love you and I'll wait. You're my girl, remember?"

I giggled and smiled, she almost made me cry though.

I send back a red heart.