IMPOSSIBLE

55 - Progress

Jennifer's POV

„Leah.. I..."
„So it is...", she said in a cold voice.
„Let me explain, please.", I begged her.
„Go ahead."
„I asked him to come here to help me. He knows me so well and besides you, he's the only one I can open up to. He's just.. third perspective. My therapist, if you like."

Leah frowned, but stayed silent.

„I know you don't like him and I know this looks probably weird to you..."
„Weird, uh-huh.", Leah interrupted me. „My girlfriend.. or should I say ex-girlfriend and her flirty ex-husband in a house alone in Hawaii... I don't know if weird really nails it."
„Don't say that..."
„What?"
„Ex-girlfriend."
„Oh no? What are we then?"
„You said I'm your girl. And I still am.."

„I thought I could trust you."
„You can! This is just... he's here to help so that I'm able to be with you again, Leah! Really it's.. It's all I wanna come back to. Us."

Leah's expression softened little.
„Why didn't you tell me?", she asked.
„Because I was afraid to.. I knew you'd hate it."
„I do."
„I wanted to tell you when I'm back."
„Hm."
„I love you.", I said in the sweetest voice I could find and looked at her with big puppy eyes.

She rolled her eyes, but smiled a little. I knew which buttons to push to make her butter at my face alone.

„I love you.", I said again, even sweeter this time. I used my whispery sing-sang and I could practically hear her melting.

„I love you too.", she finally said. „And I miss you like crazy."

I pouted.
„I'm still mad though!", she added.
If she knew he's sleeping in the same bed as me, she'd be pissed beyond words.

„I'll make it up to you.", I said, hoping I really could. No doubt I would be going back to her, but no one could say if I could go back the way I want to. If it works.

„I need to get back to work.", she said. The happiness of exchanging our I-love-you's has vanished from her eyes. She tried to keep her face neutral, but she wasn't very good at it.
I could see all her feelings in the blank face, she's trying to hold. Sadness, worry, jealousy, it's all there. And I can't even blame her for that.

„Marc and I are friends, okay? You don't need to worry. I probably couldn't do anything with him anyways.", I chuckled, trying to loosen up the situation with what I thought was a joke, but it was an inappropriate one. First of all I made it on my own back, joking about my mental status, second it wasn't funny at all, especially not to her, given what we've been through.

But it made me think. Could I, with someone else? A man? Marc?

„Wow.", she just said.

„I'm sorry. That was stupid."
„Okay, I gotta go. We'll talk?"
„Yes! I lo..."
„Okay, bye.", she hung up on me and I exhaled slowly through my mouth.

I put my phone to the side and closed my eyes to listen to the wind going through the trees and birds chirping. My mind lingered on what I said before though.
Hm. I started picturing myself with someone else, and given the situation, Marc was the first one to pop into my head. Plus, it was easy with him. I remember, so I can pull from prior experiences with him.

I brought my mind back to one time I remember pretty clearly, because it was so special. It was about a year after we had the twins and our sex life was kind of on the low. I felt insecure about my body, it felt different and it wasn't on my priority list of things to do.

The babies were sleeping and I just got home from a friends birthday. I was standing in front of a mirror, taking my hoops out when Marc wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and kissed my neck.