IMPOSSIBLE

31 - I'm Here

Leah's POV

She rinsed herself for quite a while, then she turned the shower off.
The whole time she was crying quietly. We walked out and I got her a towel to wrap around her body, then grabbed one for myself.
„Come on, let's go upstairs so you can lie down.", I spoke softly to her, put my arm around her waist to support her and she nodded. We walked out into the hall right when Benny walked out of the office.

He looked at us confused.
„What? What were you doing? Where's Alex?"

I couldn't believe him. Not once he wondered where they are? He's coming now?
„Fuck you Benny!", I insulted him and I meant it.
„Leah..", Jennifer said quietly, wanting to protect Benny.
„Where were you?", I hissed at him.
„In her office! Jennifer walked out taking a call and Alex said he needed to use the bathroom! What in gods name happened? Jennifer?"

I didn't want to say it out loud because I didn't want her to feel bad. Plus it's none of his business.
Benny noticed the red marks on her throat.
„Oh god Jennifer.", he raised his hand to touch her shoulder but she flinched away, closer to me.

He looked startled. „I was... I got another phone call and the discussion was pretty heated so I didn't hear anything.. and I ... lost track of time.. I... I'm sorry."

„Just go home.", I said to him and we walked upstairs. I put her to bed and quickly got her something comfy to wear, I grabbed some of her clothes for me as well. We both got dressed and she snuggled under her blanket.

„Can I leave you for a second?", I asked her. She nodded so I went into the bathroom and closed the door. I went to the sink and turned the water on with shaking hands, then I put my elbows on the vanity and buried my face inside my palms. I sobbed and started crying, trying to keep it as quiet as possible, because I didn't wanted her to hear.

It felt like I could hyperventilate if I let myself, but I was able to hold myself together. I washed my face and turned the water off, then dried myself and went back to Jennifer.

I crawled under her blanket and put one arm around her. She leaned into me and grabbed my shirt with her hand, making a fist.
She in- and exhaled deeply and shaky and I tried to comfort her by caressing her head and her arm.

„Do you wanna talk about it?", I asked her.
She exhaled through her nose.
„No.", she said quietly.
„Okay. Is there anything I can do?"
„Just hold me, please.", she whimpered and my heart broke hearing her like that.

I held her tighter in my arms. I was worried about later. The kids would come back in just a few hours and I neither wanted her to have to act normal nor her kids to see her like that, if she couldn't.

Jennifer's breathing became more shallow and regular and her grip on my shirt loosened. She must've fallen asleep. I grabbed her phone without waking her up, because I wanted to contact the nanny, to ask her to take the kids somewhere nice after school.

I don't know her code, but I tried. Then I remembered I could just use face ID, not sure if it works with closed eyes though. To my surprise, it did.

I texted her nanny and the quick thought of going through her phone after appeared in my head. From interviews I know she's doing that too. But I couldn't. I'm not gonna betray her and I'm not gonna use that moment to do so. I locked her phone and put it back down.

While she slept I kept on caressing her head and sometimes kissed her forehead.

After about an hour, she suddenly flinched, grabbed my shirt again and yelled „No, don't!", then she cried.

„Baby shhh, hey... a dream, just a dream." Right after those words left my lips I immediately regretted them. It wasn't just a dream. It happened just hours ago.

She held on to my shirt and buried her head in my neck, while she breathed heavily.
„Shh breathe slower, much slower." I tried to calm her down.
She whimpered and sobbed but her breathing normalized after a while.

„I hate him, Leah. I hate him so much."
„I know. Shh."

I held her close to me.

„Are you in pain? Physically?", I asked her.
„It's okay... I can take it.", she whispered and put her fingers on my neck softly.

I hate the thought of her being in pain.

„It'll be gone by tomorrow.", I said to her.

Jennifer looked up to me and frowned.
„How do you know?"

I pursed my lips and sighed.
„Been through it.", I replied and kissed the top of her nose.
„What?", Jennifer seemed shocked.
„A long time ago."
She looked worried.

„I'm okay. Just... don't worry about me, I'm here to take care of you."
„No, tell me please.. if you.. if you can?"

I assumed it would help her.

„I was 17 and he was my foster dad at that time. He did it just once and then I was outta there. I came to a new family, both parents were police officers and that's why.. that's why I carry the gun."

„Does it still hurt?"

I thought about her question.

„Hm.. it doesn't hurt anymore, no. It's just something that... used to be. I don't know how to describe it, to be honest."

„Hm.."

„I barely think of it anymore. It became part of my life. But I've never let his actions determine how I felt about myself. It just.. it happened. It was awful. And then I got over it."

„You're tough.", Jennifer said to me.

„You are too, baby. You're not gonna let him destroy you, I know that.", I pecked her lips softly.

„Thank you for... for everything you said to him."

„Don't.. not for that.", I smiled at her. She don't need to thank me. I love her and I would do anything for her. And I meant every word I said.

„What time is it?", she asked me.
„About 2:30.."
„The kids will be home soon.."
„They won't."
She looked at me puzzled.
„I texted your nanny.. She's taking the kids somewhere fun. They'll be back for dinner."
I hoped that was okay for her.

„You take such good care of me.", she said teary eyed. A single tear ran down her cheek and I kissed it away. Jennifer closed her eyes and pulled me into a deep hug.
„I love you so much.", she whispered, squeezing me.
„I love you too, baby."

We spend the rest of the day in bed and I comforted her as best as I could.

At around 6 she got up to freshen herself so we could have dinner with the kids.

She left the bathroom door open.