IMPOSSIBLE

51 - A Fresh Start

Jennifer's POV

Leaving Leah on the bed, I went downstairs and made myself a cup of tea. I watched the steam rise from the kettle and poured the water into the cup when it was ready, then took it with me and sat on the couch.

I felt an emptiness inside me. And I feel like it's not fair dragging Leah down with me. Will I ever get over this? I did the last time pretty well. And this time, he didn't rape me, so it should be easier, right? What's my fucking problem? I sighed and drank from the still hot tea.

I'm not sure if Leah's presence is helping or not. Like she'll always reminds me of that day. But also I feel like she's my home and I love her deeply. Maybe it would be best if... I don't know. No. I don't even wanna bring that thought to an end. But in the back of my mind, it was already spoken. Maybe it would be best if we'd get some space. Like a break. Until I feel better.

I know it will hurt the both of us deeply and I don't know if she'd ever forgive me, if I'd ask her. So that's a risk I'm not willing to take actually. Am I?

I emptied my cup and put it back on the kitchen counter, then went back upstairs.

Before I entered the bedroom, I heard soft sobs, coming from Leah.
I rested my forehead on the wooden door and listened for a while. It was hard to hear and she didn't seem to calm down, so I went inside. She was lying on her side, her back facing the door.

I crawled on the bed and spooned her.
She let out an even bigger sob and her body was shaking a little. I hugged her really tight from behind and pressed my front against her back. Then I covered the back of her head in kisses. She does not deserve to suffer so much because of me.

„I love you.", I whispered. Another sob escaped her mouth. I gently pushed her shoulder back to make her turn so I could see her pretty face. She turned to her other side. The tip of her nose was red, so were eyes while her cheeks were wet from the tears she cried. I pulled her closer, made her bury her head into my chest and rubbed her trembling back. I put my chin on her head and inhaled her scent.

It hurt my heart physically that we're in this situation. Leah calmed down in my arms and stopped crying. I caressed her head and ran my finger through her hair. Leah exhaled and the hot air from her mouth crawled up my neck, making me feel dizzy. I pushed her head back gently and made our lips meet.

My heart was beating fast. Leah put her hand on my back and started sliding down.
I broke the kiss. „Don't.", I whispered. „Don't touch me there, please."
„Okay, I won't.", Leah whispered back.

It felt god that I was able to verbalize what's okay and what's not. I flipped Leah on her back gently and hovered over her. I'll give this a try. I'm in charge. Maybe that'll work out for me. For us. Still I felt insecure about it, scared that I couldn't do it, again.

I pushed Leah's shirt over her head and squeezed her boobs gently, leaned down and took one into my mouth. A soft groan escaped Leah's mouth. Her skin was covered in goosebumps. I moved my kisses to her neck and she tilted her head and stretched her neck out, enjoying every bit of me that I was able to give her.

Leah's arms rested beside her head and I think this is for the better before she touches me and I'll panic. Also it looked a little like she's surrendering to me, and I like the view.
I let one hand slide down between her legs and watched Leah turn her head even more, frowning, biting her lip, intoxicated by my touch.

I kissed her lips and let two fingers slide into her with delicate pressure. She stretched her neck but I didn't let go of her lips, I kept on covering them with sweet, moist kisses. Gently, not forceful in any way. This felt okay, even good.