IMPOSSIBLE

54 - The Truth

Jennifer's POV

I wasn't sure whether I should ask Marc to sleep in my bed or not. I'd feel safer if he did but I don't want to complicate things between us.

On the other hand, he's here and I'm sharing my deepest thoughts with him so he might as well just sleep right next to me. No big deal.

„Marc?", I asked him while we were eating.
„Mh?", he said, chewing on his steak.
„Would you mind if... can you sleep with me tonight? I mean.. just next to me? As in the same bed..."
Marc lifted his glass of water to his mouth and washed down the rest of the steak with the water. He put the glass back down.
„Sure, I'll sleep next to you."

„Thank you." I paused, but then..
„What have you told your girlfriend?"
„I'm visiting family."
„Oh it was that easy.", I chuckled.
He shrugged his shoulders and put more steak in his mouth. „Yes.", he said chewing.

After we finished dinner I checked my mails and Ben send one, again.

„Maybe we could have dinner together? Talk? If you feel like it. I'd love to see you again. Ben"

I chuckled. „It's a little too late for that, baby", I said quietly to myself and leaned back in my chair, smiling for a while.

I leaned back forward and started typing.
„Thanks for asking. I don't think this is a good idea though. We'll keep in touch. Best, Jennifer."

I sighed. A few years earlier and maybe I would've went out with him again. But not now. Now I am commited to Leah. Utterly and deeply commited to her, desperately trying to get better so that I can be with her again.
Now is not even the time to be real life friends with him. Mails from time to time, that's what works for us, that's it.

It was nighttime and I got tired, so I asked Marc if he was ready to go to bed.
„Sure, let's go mami."
I smiled and we went upstairs where I got ready in the bathroom, Marc did the same in the guest bathroom and came inside when I was already in bed.

He half sat half lied beside me under his sheet,
leaning against the headboard.
„Goodnight, then.", I said.
„Come here.", he said, lowered himself a little and put one arm out so that I could lie beside him and put my head on his shoulder.

I took a moment to think about it, then scooched closer and rested my head on his shoulder and my hand on his chest.

„You mind if I'm on my phone for a while?", he asked.
„No.", I said very sleepy, cuddling my head deeper into him.

He pecked my head quickly and I closed my eyes. His regular breathing made me fall asleep very quickly. I wasn't haunted by any nightmares this night and I woke up on my side of the bed, my back turned towards Marc, feeling absolutely relaxed.

I stretched and looked over to see him still asleep. After taking my time to wake up, I went downstairs and outside to do some affirmations again.
Like the day before I spread my arms wide out, closed my eyes and tilted my head back.

„I am here. I am okay. I am enough. I am open and receptive to all the goodness and abundance the universe has to offer. I am in perfect health. I am safe. I am whole. I am
good on my own. I love myself. I love the universe. The universe loves me. God loves me."

I inhaled deeply. A little voice in my head said that I really need to work on the „I am good on my own" part. But in saying it, I intend to make it true.

Later we had breakfast and had a pretty normal day I'd say. We didn't proceed talking about anything regarding Alex, because I didn't want to. The next day was very similar.
I had a nightmare the second night and I woke out of it alone, cuddled myself up against Marc and felt okay with that. It wasn't as frightening as it was before.