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Chapter 11-Consequences

Chapter Eleven- Consequences

Fedor’s POV

If I said I knew what I was doing before I kissed Chief, I was lying, and even though my head knew that I had not done anything wrong, I felt guilty and I hated the icy way he looked at me. It was completely devoid of the warmth that I had come to know and most probably taken for granted. When my lips met him, my brain scrambled, good old scrambling and all my thoughts and hesitations went into nothingness, I could feel him and him only. I did not want to pull away, I took his bottom lip in mine, feeling it’s softness and I slowly released him because I had discovered that Chief had not kissed me back, I leaned back to look at him but his deadly grasp at my waist did not budge. God, he was beautiful, his damp hair framed his face, his brown eyes intensely focused on me and his lips, those sinful lips I imagined the several things I could do with it.

“Don’t look at me like that.” His voice came out gruff and low. Was there anything unattractive about this man?

My hands were still on his chest, “Like what?”

“You know. Why did you kiss me?” He asked.

I leaned closer than we already were, our legs in the water, my feet were touching his as I asked as well, “Why didn’t you kiss me back?”

“I don’t like vague relationships.”

“I kissed you because I wanted you to stop glaring at me icily, it felt like there were icicles stabbing my chest when you did that,” I answered honestly and he was surprised by the answer.

“Is that it?” He scoffed but still hadn’t released me.

“I couldn’t help myself. Your lips were there for the taking and I took.” I shrugged or tried to shrug, I don’t know what kind of image I projected at the moment but I hoped that they did not betray my pounding heart or how much he affected me. If he knew how much power he had over me then what bargaining power would I have left?

“Do you always act without thinking about the consequences of your actions?” He murmured loud enough for me to hear him.

I tried to create some space between us but failed, his grip on me was unshakable, I know I had fumbled badly but I did not think that if I had the chance to redo it, I would still kiss him. “I told you, I was bad at thinking.”

“What are your intentions for me?” He relaxed and leisurely moved his thumb back and forth on my waist.

Wait, what did he just ask? What? “What?” I blinked in confusion.

“You kissed me, what were your intentions? To take advantage of me and leave, to court me? To woo me? Or did you just want me for my body? Do you want my heart as well? Is this a game to you? What is it Fedor? What do you want from me?”

I had no idea what to say to this, what did I want from him? He had nothing for what I wanted long term except for the fact that he was beautiful, manly, and everything else a girl could want except money. What can I say? I want everything I can get from you until I decide to settle down and choose from the likes of Kurt. The thought of that alone turned my stomach, the idea that another woman could have him while I pursued my interests lit a fire so ugly deep in my chest. What did I want then? Was I so selfish? Yes, but I don’t know anything anymore. I had a sinking suspicion that if I took a bite, I would never want to let go but what about him? What did he want? He must have had his own plans as well, oh my God, I felt a headache coming in strong.

Chief rubbed the middle of my forehead, “What is going on in that brain of yours, you look constipated.”

“That is a wonderful thing to tell a girl who kissed you. Have I crossed a line? And since we are being technical, you brushed my lips with yours first, sure; it was not enough to be a kiss but you started it. What do you want from me then? What are your intentions towards me?” I bravely tried to hold my ground.

“Everything.” He growled.

My stomach sank and my heart leaped, my brain scrambled again. This was bad, this was so bad, this was terrible for me and my ten-year plan. Oh, oh, oh.

Chief Song chuckled and gripped my face, “I will have everything or nothing Fedor. I know you feel this between us and if you had not kissed me, maybe I would have found a way to let you go but now that I know how soft your lips are, I want more, and by the seas; I will have more.”

He smiled like he was in on a secret, my mouth was dry, and could not find a reasonable retort and so I kept quiet. His grip on my waist finally loosed and just before I took a step back, chief kissed me on my lips softly, kissed my cheeks, kissed my nose and my forehead. He came back to my lips and hovered before kissing me softly. “Everything Fedor.” He whispered before letting me go.

My legs weakened, and I felt dizzy. There was one thing I learned from today, and it was that Chief Song was way out of my league, “I can’t Chief, I just can’t.” My voice came out huskier than intended like everything with him, it had only been a little over one week but it felt like I had known him forever. It was too much and way out of my control, I will not end up like Ma, I refused to be led by petty emotions.

Chief Song laughed, “You should have thought about that before you kissed me. Now, back to swimming.” He led me to the deeper parts and started telling me what I needed and the movements I needed to swim, like whatever had happened between us was in my head. How could he be okay while I was a mess? I could barely pay attention to him, it did not help that his chest and abs were apparent through his wet shirt and I was too stimulated to gather the energy I needed to swim but Chief Song did not care and before I knew it, I had felt what it meant to nearly drown and have a stomach filled with salt and fresh water.

After the tiring experience, he finally showed mercy and allowed me to rest. The men were back from their expenditures and I had no energy to pay attention to their taunts on how I resembled a ghost, I had my bath and lost consciousness for the day or night, I had no idea and had no inclination to know. I had a dream with Chief song as the protagonist and a beautiful woman who wasn’t me, they had beautiful children and they were happy. I was wrong before, it was a nightmare and it had been so real that I woke up with a heartache. It was barely a week or over one, how can someone I know within a short span have so much effect on me? There was no logical explanation for this, it was crazy and it was crazier because for the first time, I reexamined my ten-year plan to include Chief Song. I barely knew anything about the guy, this made no sense and I had to take control of the situation before I end up with three children who have barely enough clothes to wear and had to work to ensure Christmas meal was provided. I ignored the specificity of that fear and decided that I would be straight with Chief Song and tell him that the kiss was a mistake, he was my Chief and I was a member of his crew. That was our relationship, I stood up determined and zipped my uniform to the top, I needed as much armor as I could get.

When I left my room, I saw that Martha had reached Biga, the ship was empty and I frowned because Chief always ensured to leave at least a person on Martha, I was right except that Chief himself had stayed behind, I knew that because Chief was shirtless and was pulling ropes. What did I say I was going to tell him again? It was there, fuzzy at the back of my mind, it was something important. How did he get that scar on his stomach, leading to the V that led to his trousers? Was it a map that showed you the way to go if you wanted to find out his goodies, that even the blind would not get lost. I stood watching his strong arms work as he rolled the thick ropes, it was so wrong for anyone to look this good. Terribly wrong, I tried to find my voice and coughed to alert him to my presence.

Chief looked in my direction and smiled at me, not the smirk or the wry kind of smile that I was familiar with, a full blown smile that made him younger than his years. “You are up finally, help me with this. Hold that anchor steady.” He pointed at an iron, I wasn’t proud to admit it but there were so many things I did not understand about a ship and while I was learning, the process was not as fast as I wanted it to be. I quietly followed his instructions.

“You are quiet today Fedor, penny for your thoughts.” He wore his shirt when we were done, it was disappointing to see his body covered.

“Just hungry.” I muttered in defeat. I needed more self-encouragement to tell him what I needed to say, what was it again?

“Carlos left some chicken porridge for you in the fridge, have some and there are some fruits, Castle brought them from his last run into town.” He answered without paying me any mind.

I did not like that but did not say anything, this was what I wanted after all, but he said he wanted everything, was this how he planned on getting it? Had he given up? If so, why was I disappointed? I needed to stop asking myself stupid questions. “Thank you.” I replied and went to the kitchen, I had no recollection of how long I was out but I was truly hungry and tired.

I microwaved and ate the mild yet delicious porridge as I thought about who I had offended in the past to deserve this. I sat on the deck by myself and sighed every once in a while until Martha’s voice broke through my reverie. “Why are you sighing?”

“I miss land.” I answered.

“We will soon be back, Joseph reported to the Chief that they managed to find the map, it is worse for wear but that wouldn’t matter. We found it.”

“Oh, the one time I fell asleep and I managed to miss the most important aspect of the journey.” I sighed again.

“Are you sure you missed the important part?” Martha asked with her mischievous tone and I understood what she was talking about, apart from the time I was unconscious, we had spent most of our time talking like friends while playing cards, she won me every time but she was an artificial intelligence and that wasn’t the point of our games.

Chief Song joined me on deck and without preamble, preparations or even a hint; he asked, “What are you afraid of Fedor?”