Classless

Chapter 13- Choices

Chapter Thirteen- Choices

Fedor’s POV

I rolled my eyes at him, “I would say you are crazy and I’d have to be crazier to accept that proposal.”

Kurt frowned as if insulted, “You wanted to marry me before, what changed?”

“I did. I grew up and understood that there was more to life than marrying a privileged asshole. I know that I betrayed you and probably deserved everything that happened to me afterward but I also saw how vindictive and heartless you could be once you turn your back on someone. Kurt, you lack the ability to be empathic towards other people, the only thing that ever mattered to you was how you felt. Even when were friends, everything that we did had to be what you liked. I was your friend Kurt and you weren’t mine, the moment you saw a flaw in my character, rather than confront and talk to me, you threw me away like a bad habit. I agree that I might have done some questionable things which I had apologized for again and again but I am done with that. Kurt, your standards are too high and they are not ideals I can reach.” I sighed, I was tired of the guilt and tired of being strung around like a puppet but when his mother cut me out of their life, while there were many opportunities I had lost, I was relieved.

Kurt leaned back into his chair watching me, “I know, I know that I can be intense. I also know that I act without thinking, I was hurt, and I had no expectations from any member of my family but you were the one true friend that I had. It broke me when I discovered that my mother paid you to be my friend, it was a blow to my guts when I knew that everything we had shared was a lie. You cut me deeply Fedor, so deep that I cannot even manage to trust anyone again. I am not good at empathizing; I know that but I would have tried for you Fedor. I am not a mind reader, if you don’t tell me what you are thinking, how was I supposed to know?” He opened a bottle of wine and drank straight from the bottle, “If you had told me about the deal you had with my mother, I would have understood but she told me, she told me that you laughed at me behind my back, then Frederick corroborated her story. I tried to ask you and the next thing I knew, you proposed to me. What was I supposed to think? I did not throw you away, you were never mine to begin with.”

I never understood the depth of what I had done to him, he was a quiet and withdrawn child and there was a reason why; I was consumed by my own issues that I did not see what I meant to him, honestly, I did not think I mattered much to him. Why would I? He had people fawning over him all the time and I might have undermined what my actions meant to him, Kurt explaining his feelings was not what I had on my bingo card for the month, “I am sorry, I did not know I meant that much to you.”

“Was anything real? Did you even care for me a bit?” Kurt asked in a small voice.

“Kurt, the only way I was that good was because I wasn’t pretending. I needed the money but being your friend was not a chore. Sure, it might not have been perfect but it wasn’t hell. It was fun hanging out with you. I assumed that you did not care about me like a human and once again I am really sorry.” I repeated myself because I truly was sorry. As it turned out, what I had thought would be a minor hiccup in his life turned out to be a defining moment “By the way, who is Frederick?”

“The stables boy. I had seen you talking to him before, I should have talked to you first.” He answered and a vague memory of a boy came to me.