Classless

Chapter 77: Determined

Chapter 77 : Determined

*Chief Song POV*

I had told the truth when I said I had thought this through, my motivations were not as pure as I had put it, I wanted no needed to spend every waking moment with her, that much was obvious but I also needed her to get used to me, to get used to the idea that I was there. I had rationalized that she had been alone for so long and it might take a long time before she even thought about moving in with me or marrying me, I decided to hasten the process. I meant it when I said I was sure that I would not feel the same way for anyone else, Fedor completed me and every time I thought she would draw back or run, she stood firm and never swayed. I doubted that she understood how loyal she was especially considering her background. I knew that this would look like exactly the choice her mother made, I wanted to broach the subject but I did not want to ruin the mood. I squeezed her hand in mine as I asked, “Are they random? Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy wants to know more about the girl, boy wants to move in with girl… I don’t think they are random.”

Fedor narrowed her eyes at me as she sighed in resignation, “Song, you know you can ask me just about anything and I would respond with the truth.”

I sat beside her and played with her hair, “I know, I only want to get to know you better.”

“You have my psych evaluation, it does not get more intimate than that and you have seen me naked, several times. I think you know me better than anyone.” She teased.

“I see… better than anyone? I had no idea you had such an entanglement with the Carl family, I did not know that there were times that people have tried to take advantage of you. I know objectively speaking that you must have passed through various hardships but it makes me wonder what else I don’t know about you.” I was curious and I also did not want to get blindsided again.

Fedor caressed my forehead, “Stop thinking so hard, I am not that complicated I promise, it is not that I do not want to talk to you, it’s just that I am not sure what exactly you want me to say. Tell you every traumatic thing that happened to me? I would not know; it is like being stuck in darkness, over time you get so used to it that you stop thinking of it as unnatural. So I would not even know where to start, it is not like you are any better. You have so many scars on you that I should be asking the questions.”

I scoffed, “Some of them were from you.”

She slapped my arm, “I thought you were serious.”

“I am.” I said. “Okay, what was the scariest moment you had?”

She thought about it and answered, “When Aunt Reha died, she was the opposite of my mother. She was not as warm but she was practical, she never had any children because she could not afford them, she never got married because she was not a fan of people; she believed that as long as she could take care of herself, everything else was fine but she was sweet to me after I lost my father. She cussed at them when I was dazed and when she died, it was so scary because it dawned on me that I was truly alone. She had given me her savings and that same night I had been robbed as well, it was a two in one situation because she had just been buried and I was penniless. What about you?”

I knew she wanted me to skip over the parts that would stop me from extending any sort of sympathy so I allowed her but squeezed her hand tighter, “when my mother left me for the sea. She had put me in a strange place where I knew no one and I was terrified of Rwan’s father then, I was too young to understand why my mother had dumped me there, I had thought she was abandoning me.”

Fedor gave me a peck, “Abandoned or not, you turned out great.”

“So did you, so great; the greatest of great.” I said and she laughed.

“So I’ve heard. How did you get the scar at your back? It looks old.” She asked.

“I don’t know, I would say that they are pretty recent; last night recent.” Fedor rolled her eyes and bit my neck in retaliation, “Careful there.” I warned and her eyes widened in comprehension as she muttered the word monster, I smirked at her and answered her question, “I tried jumping the fence and tripped on my legs, there was an exposed nail and that’s how that went. What scares you the most?”

Fedor clicked her tongue and took a deep breath, “Usually I would say being stuck without a way to provide but I think it’s losing people. I can’t fight or avoid death and that’s scares me because people can be here one day and out another day, heck even the next minute. The finality in that is so… disturbing.” I was surprised by her honesty and I could not answer immediately so I kissed her instead slowly and intensely. She was in me, she was everywhere, deep inside me and I needed her to know that. “Wow, what was that for?”

“Nothing, just cause.” I kissed the tip of her nose afterwards, “I am scared of you.” Her green eyes flared as she did not expect that answer. I grinned at her, “Surprised? You are the only person with the power to break and destroy me. It is a marvel honestly, how much you mean to me in such a short time, I love it which surprises me, I love that my sanity is hinged on your mood, when you are happy, I am happy. When you’re sad, I am heart broken, when you are mad, I want to burn the world with you, when you stare at me the way you are doing at this moment, I truly feel like I have won. Not even inventing Martha has made me feel this way; there is nothing that I would not do for you. Do not ever forget that.” I noticed her blink back her tears, her eyes turned glassy and she looked up at her ceiling.

“You are my most prized possession then.” She joked.

“Good.”

“God, is there anything that you are not good at?”

I laughed, “Apparently not.”

“Who broke between us?” She asked all of a sudden.

“What are you talking about?” I frowned.

“We had a bet, remember? First person to break and all.” Fedor smiled mischievously.

I chuckled, “If there was a loser, it was you. You are the one who jumped on me.”

“You kissed me. I wanted to give my boyfriend a hug and you all but attacked me.” She argued.

“Why are we talking about this again?” I asked.

“To establish a winner. I said I would not lose but the slut that you are could not keep it in, I had to accommodate you and your many many excesses since I am such an understanding girlfriend.” She snidely commented and shook her head, “How did you survive the weeks without me? Especially the cold, it must have been very hard on you.”

I laughed, “What is wrong with you?”

“Everything, I will ask again. What if our feelings change over time? What do we do?”

“It won’t.”

“Why are you so sure? People change and evolve, why are you certain that we would remain this way for the rest of our lives?”

I was getting a whoop lash with the change of pace and conversation, I had to keep up somehow; “Why are you sure we would change? And we cannot remain the same forever as would our feelings but it does not mean they would change for the worse. We would evolve and so would our love, it would take work and sacrifice sometimes but it would be worth it.”

Fedor was nervous as she stared at me, “What if I make you give up the things you love and you hate me over time, you might think differently now but what about in the future? As much as I love the going on missions with you, I do not want to live my life traveling on the sea and you cannot stand the land.”

“Fedor!” I called her name loud, “One day at a time, one step at a time, one fight at a time. If you cannot trust my words then be affirmed by my actions. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me hate you, the seas don’t even come close to how I feel for you. The seas were an excuse to run away from my life and I have done that enough. Fedor, you are my priority! No one else, nothing else but you. Listen to me, You Fedor! You!”

“Marry me.” Fedor said with all sincerity.

“What?”

“What?” She repeated like she had no idea what she had said.

“What?”

“Marry me.” She smiled shyly. “I know that it is not the most perfect proposal but it would have to do, marry me Chief.” She stood up and brought out a small box under her bed, she opened it and I saw two rings, “I never had the mind to sell their rings, it was their most valuable possession, I heard that my father saved up and worked like a camel for three years to afford it because he believed my mother deserved the best. I feel so sorry to them because I resented them for years, so many years including when they were alive but if they felt this way for each other. It must have been worth it for them and I did not value those years, but I still could not sell the rings no matter how hungry I was or how cold I got. “You don’t have to answer me now; I am aware of how you feel about marriage but take it, resize it for us and when you are ready, ask me to marry you.”

Fedor avoided my eyes as she dropped the box in my hands, “You would not move in with me but you’ll marry me, you do know that we would have to live together when we get married.” I pointed that out just to be sure she knew what she was talking about.

She shrugged, “I don’t know, I was thinking more in the lines of you’d spend some days at my place and I’d spend a couple at yours. Married style.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Yes, of course I know what I am talking about. You are right, why wait when we’ll spend our lives learning about each other.” She wrapped her arms around me, and whispered; “You are so beautiful, it hurts sometimes.”

“Am I supposed to pretend that you did not just propose to me?”

“Yes, unless you have an answer.”

“The seas Fedor, like there could be any other option. I would marry you over and over again, and whatever ideas I had about marriage has nothing to do with you. So when are we getting married?”