Classless

Chapter 28: Tunnel

Chapter 28: Tunnel

*Fedor’s POV*

“I am going to go now.” I was going to stay away from him.

He kissed me, and it wasn’t a small peck this time but the kind of kiss that took your breath away, he was good at that, taking my breath away, I felt his tongue and that ended my thoughts, all I could feel was his hard rock chest on mine, the strength in his hand as he held my face, the other hand around my waist and even though I was at his mercy, I reveled in every bit of it. What were we fighting about again? I had forgotten, he nicked my bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth.

“Tell me, Fedor.” He kissed my neck. Tell him what, what were we talking about again? “Why did you leave me?”

“I didn’t.” He kissed my lips and down my throat, I felt him pull at my knots.

“But you did and that made me very angry.” He hummed as he removed my robe and covered me almost immediately with his body.

“I was angry too. You died on me.” I whispered when he paused in between kisses to take a look at me, why was he stopping? I opened my eyes to see him looking at me with concern. “You are a monster Song.” I picked up my robe and covered myself again, he was good but I did not think he would be as ruthless as to use my feelings for him to get the information he wanted.

He sighed, “I am sorry, I did not think about that.”

“Careful, you are starting to sound like me.”

“Can we just …. Talk? Please.” He sounded defeated but I would not be deceived the second time, he could be deceiving me for all I know so that I lower my defenses again.

I laughed instead, “You should have led with now and guess what, I am not in the mood to talk anymore. Please open the door, I would like to go back to my room.”

“To hide again.” He was rude, how I had I never noticed, of course I wouldn’t with his stupid perfect face and perfect body and perfect brain and …

“I am not hiding. I have just had enough.”

“Your psych evaluation, she said you were suicidal. Actually, she called it passive suicidal ideation.” He muttered softly.

If a pin had dropped in the room, we would have heard because of the silence. I smirked after a while and tightened my rope, Ms. Cecil was a lot of things but this was more than a case of mistaken diagnosis, it was all wrong from all aspects and no matter how dumb I was, I knew enough to know that I do not have that but that was beside the point. Why on earth was Chief telling me this, “What are you trying to say?”

“Look, I am not trying to ruffle your feathers.” He swallowed after I glared at him, he was the one who took a step backwards when I walked towards him.

“Please, do not stop now. Go ahead, continue, tell me what my problem is.” He had done it, I was angry and I was livid.

Chief tried to calm me down, it must have shown that he had crossed a boundary and was trying to backtrack now, “Fedorr…”

“Please, don’t patronize me. Go ahead, tell me what you think about me.”

He exhaled and made his tone as gentle as he could, “All I am saying is that maybe, just maybe that’s why you joined us even when you don’t know how to swim or why you drink till everyone else drops and you’re still standing, or why you’d fearlessly walk alone at night in one of the most questionable areas in Kolanpur and why you would go to a military ship with a friend you only just reconciled with after so many years.”

I could no longer stop it, the tears that fell from my eyes, “Is that what you have thought of me all this while? Someone who wants to die. Were you with me because you pitied me? Was I so pitiful in your eyes?”

He frowned and took a step towards me, “No, Fedor No.”

I could no longer listen, “Please open the door, I am not certain I can anymore.”

He slowly unlocked the door, “Please…”

“No more, not today. By the way, if anything I am the opposite of that. I want to live, I want to live so bad that you will not understand, my fear isn’t being alive. I am afraid of being alive by myself, those are two very different things.” I said before walking out and to my room and locking the door. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. What else did that witch write about me? I had never felt so naked and misunderstood my entire life, suicidal, meeee… suicidal, that can’t be right. Could that be? Nah, impossible, oh my God! No wonder Chief didn’t want me, I must have come across to him as a broken person, now I was spiraling and overthinking this. My heart felt hollow and why did I feel so much shame? It hurt, my heart hurt a lot and I had no idea what I could do to make it stop. This is why we shouldn’t feel, when you let someone in, they can do so much damage, I wished that I could wrap myself in that air of non-challan I usually carried but it was too late. Chief had sunk his teeth deeper than I could have anticipated.

I stayed in the room for so long that Martha had finally started talking which meant that we had either moved or Kurt and his men had gone. “Stop asking me questions, I am not in the mood to talk.” I had finally taken the initiative to eat, as it turned out, my stomach did not care if I was in the middle of a breakdown.

“Okay. Do you know that most stars travel in clusters?” Martha repeated, ignoring my instructions.

I wore one of the dull uniforms and made my way to the kitchen, I could not have chosen a worse time, it was filled with everyone, I hadn’t noticed that it was raining, Carlos and Castle were playing cards, Naim, Kora and Joseph were eating lunch or dinner, I couldn’t tell, Ode and the Chief were deep into conversation, everyone kept quiet when they saw me, I pretended not to notice their attention and made myself cereal.

Carlos stood instead and grabbed the cup from my hands, “You have to eat food and not this trash.”

“Maybe she knows she doesn’t deserve to eat well.” Castle answered on my behalf.

I was too wound up to respond but I was in a bad mood and so I ignored him and grabbed my cup of cereal from Carlos and aggressively shoved a spoon in my mouth to state my point. Carlos started speaking in Spanish, I could tell that he was scolding me and had started cooking rice. “Fine, but you will eat this afterwards before you back to your room to sulk.”

Sulk, was that what they thought I was doing, was that what I was doing? Working with people is too complicated. Joseph passed me a bowl of sugar and I don’t know why he looked apologetic and I was about to ask what his problem was, wait, do they think that I am suicidal as well, if that is true; I would jump into the water, okay I realized how that last thought could be incriminating but I don’t want to die, it was like how people say they want the ground to swallow them, that sort of thing. Great, now I was questioning myself too, somebody shoot me. No, no… that is not what I meant. I sighed loudly.

“Chief tends to go aboard when he scolds us but it comes from a good place. I heard you lost consciousness after and he should have understood but it’s Chief, he nags that way. The first time he gave me the talk, he stripped me naked, mentally of course, I went home and refused to come back until after three days.” Joseph whispered to me.

I looked up to gauge his expression but he seemed sincere enough, it was a relief to know that I wasn’t the only one he had given the third degree. I might have blurred the lines between supervisor and maybe lover, he started first though, and Carlos agreed with Joseph. “I punched him or tried to, he had dodged and thrown me into the water, I wasn’t lucky like Joseph to be on land and I tell you I wanted to sniff the life out of him and him.” He pointed at Castle.

“Heyyyy, it was funny. You were naked!” Castle started laughing as he remembered.

“You are a lady and I believe he should have been softer. I cannot believe he locked you in his room so you would have to listen to everything he had to say, did he bring up your psych evaluation as well?” Kora asked amidst chewing.

That made me jerk up, I don’t know if this made me happy that I was the same as everyone else, was he treating me like a, nah, he doesn’t kiss others or undress them.

Kora dangled the spoon in his hand, “He called me a servile prince with no backbone or thirst for adventure. I can never forget it.”

“Dammmmnnnnn” I said that part aloud which earned me chuckles and diffused the tension in the room. I knew they were trying to make me feel better even though they did not have the entire picture and I appreciated that. “That is brutal.”

“That is Chief, brutal when he wants to be but you have to know he wants what he thinks is best for you. Shake it off, princess.” Castle said but I ignored him because I knew that the princess bit was a jab.

“I am glad to see all of you out and about.” I swallowed another spoon while being lured to the scent of Carlos cooking.

Joseph adjusted his glasses, “What was that about anyway? Why were you the only one that wasn’t affected? Or was it that you had a delayed reaction with you being unconscious for two days?”

“I don’t know.” I answered honestly.

Kora gave me a look and noted, “It is the same thing with your alcohol tolerance, isn’t it?”

I shrugged, “Probably.”

“I don’t know if I should be jealous of you or pity you.” Kora appeared to be deep in thoughts regarding his trail of thoughts.

Carlos had somehow put together something for me to eat and placed in on my table with a knife and fork, I smiled at him in gratitude. Chief stood and made his way out before stopping to ask, “Careful with that knife, you might end up hurting yourself.”