Classless

Chapter 1- Fedor

Chapter One

What is Love? It was one of the notions I could never understand especially in a world like mine. My parents loved each other very much, Mama liked to say, her love for Baba defied gravity. Their story was one that made no sense to me, especially since losing Tory. Tory was my younger brother who died at six because my parents could not afford the hospital bills, his death killed something in Mama, I think it twisted her love for Baba to the point where she could not bear to look at Baba. I think Baba took it the worst as he could not even look at himself. I was a quiet child but that didn't mean I was blind, I felt everything and I don't think they understood how much their relationship affected me. They went from being obsessed with one another to avoiding each other. The silence in my home was as loud as the Church bells, they did not even sit next to each other at Mass, and dinner at home was a silent tensed warfare as opposed to when they used to ask how my day was and if I made any new friends. I often wondered if Tory was the light that kept the family together. Mama once told me that all she needed was Baba but I don't think she thought the same way anymore. I remembered thinking that this Love Mama was once so proud of, was it so fragile? You have to understand how peculiar Mama's marriage was to Baba, she had many suitors for she was as beautiful and gentle as the rainbow, Men who had more money and class than Baba, it was an unspoken rule to always marry up the social ladder.

Mama hadn't minded, she had her heart made up on Baba. Baba was not significant enough to have a stand on the social ladder, Mama had no one else to rely on except Aunty Reha, and she advised Mama that love could never be enough. Mama would fondly say that she had no regrets choosing Baba as he was the most handsome man she had ever seen, Money could not buy happiness, Mama used to say but I doubt she thought the same on her death bed. Mama had an accident on her way from the Market, Baba barely made it in time to see her before she left to the world beyond. She had not asked of me on her death bed, she had to see Baba. The scent of the hospital wouldn't leave my mind, even when I heard Baba's wail, I was fascinated by the contrast of my white socks on my black sandals. I came straight from the school, "Your mother needs to see you." My class teacher said but she had lied, Mama had not even asked of me.

Baba could not take her death and so he drank his life away, literally. He had died of alcohol poisoning and I was left alone but make no mistake, I had been alone since Tory died. Aunty Reha adopted me as hers but she was so old that she could barely do anything herself, soon after she died, her children clearly told me that I had to fend for myself. I moved into a rented apartment for the first time when I was sixteen, it was a one room with shared toilets but I was grateful to have a place to sleep, I was tired for moving from one shelter to the other. I did my best not to think about the past, sometimes I felt a gaping hole in my chest that threatened to consume me. I never cried, I didn't cry for Baba and Mama. The last time I cried was for Tory, I guess you could say my parents were not the only people affected by his death but I don't think it ever occurred to them that I needed them, I tried to think that they were consumed by their grief and not that I wasn't worth loving. I had seen enough losers on the streets who blamed their parents for their misfortune and they sounded like whiny fragile idiots. I did not want to be like one of them but I was determined not to make the same mistakes as my parents, Love was a luxury I could not afford.

Some people would call me beautiful and others would say I had the devil's eyes that made me seem cold and unapproachable. I had inherited my mother's green eyes which was in contrast with my brown skin, Mama had a European heritage. She did not talk much about her parents but I always wondered, Mama was the sort of person who looked like she belonged in luxury. It was rare to find people with European heritage on this side of the city, I guessed Mama had her story as well. Baba was proud and could be very stubborn but he was as charming and cunning as a fox. It was no wonder he had won Mama's heart but enough about them, their story was over and while it was not a happy ending, I knew one thing of certain. They were happy once, happiness is overrated and there was one thing that was certain as I promised myself, I would marry a rich man. I repeated the same mantra just before I left for work.