Classless

Chapter 12- Home/Pasts

Chapter Twelve- Home/Pasts

Fedor’s POV

I could not read Chief, but I answered anyway; “A lot of things.”  I answered truthfully, I was well aware of my shortcomings as well as my strengths. Miss Cecil might have been a terrible psychologist by my count but she was right about pushing people away, it explained my lack of friends or connection to other people despite many years of being alone. Being alone was safe, even when I did get married in the future, I would not have to risk my heart, and I know that made me a coward. I knew that my parents’ lives did not have to be mine and I understood my life could go very differently from theirs even if I chose to risk my heart one day but it was like being stuck in a wall. I don’t know how to get over myself and it wasn’t because I hadn’t tried, at some point, I gave up trying to leave my parents’ shadows but the darkness they had cast was too thick and wide. “What about you? What are you afraid of?” I asked back.

“People.” He answered simply and sat beside me. “I don’t like that haunted look in your eyes and I think I might have pushed too far too soon and so I will give you a break. You don’t have to be anything you are not ready to be. We are all afraid of something but sometimes we meet circumstances that make all our fears look minuscule, you are still young Fedor, you are getting to know yourself, and I understand.”

I could feel the sting in my eyes, he had talked to me in such a gentle and calm voice, his words and the empathy in his eyes; he was so unexpected. He reached out and used his thumb to wipe a tear that had escaped, I sniffed and looked at the sky trying to wish the tears away.

“The men will be here shortly; you can have a three-day break before you come back to work.” He said while patting my hair, I hated how gentle he was being with me, why couldn’t he demand what he wanted? Was it only a week ago when my only problem was to start a new job as an intern.

Castle and the rest joined us on the ship, the journey home was ironically shorter and before I knew it, I said my goodbyes and made my way to my small studio apartment. My room was small but I usually found comfort in it but not now, it seemed too big; that was until my inconsiderate neighbor started playing a rock song on speaker. I was home alright but why did it feel Incomplete? I cleaned and changed into comfortable clothes that wasn’t carton brown for the first time in days, I tried to stop thinking about a brown eyed chief but failed completely. In a stroke of brilliance, I decided it would be a good idea to go to a club, drinking and dancing were my favorite pastimes. I wore a boot cut trousers that accentuated my hips and a small sparkly top that exposed my back but covered the essentials in the front. I allowed my curly hair to fly free, ensured the eyeliner made my eye pop. I looked in the mirror and smirked, I knew what I looked like when I tried and I tried tonight.

On my way out, I met the meth-head neighbor who thought it would be a good idea to smoke weed in front of the house, sometimes I thought he did that to mess with me. Most industries ensured drug tests for their employees every three months and Tokhe was no exception. “Guare, stop pissing me off. You have a house, use it!” I hissed.

“Oh baby girl, but it doesn’t have your intoxicating presence to match.” Guare would be considered handsome if he wasn’t so thin and malnourished, he would die one day probably due to an overdose but I doubted that knowledge would stop him. His mother had sold him to a prostitute and well, I don’t know all of the story but anyone can see that he was trying to forget his life or off the switch.

“Don’t you have enough intoxicants? It will kill you one day.” I sounded like a broken record but as usual, his answer never changed.

“One can only hope Baby girl, one can only hope.” He winked. I went back inside the house to get a half-eaten burger and gave it to him. He gave me a cigar-stained smile and threw kisses at me as I left the building.

I went to the Crow, it was one of my regulars and was let in by one of the guards, the smell of sweats, cheap perfume, music and disco lights welcomed me. Yes! I was home, ordered my first drink and the second and so on; it was not wise to spend so much on alcohol but I needed a break. I started dancing, I danced with different men, women and somewhere in between I could no longer tell. I went back to the bar to quench my thirst when a familiar face frowned at me, I ignored him and swallowed his drink. “Kurt, what are you doing here?” I asked the moment I dropped his cup.

“What do people do at a place like this?” He answered in his typical business-like tone and ordered more drinks for both of us.

“You know what I’m talking about, this is not your scene and weren’t you on duty?” Time had lost meaning for some time now to me.

Kurt glared at a man trying to make a pass at me, “Are you desperate for attention?”

If he meant that to hurt me, he succeeded; how did someone like him have such a venomous tongue, he called me poison when he was an assassin, he would identify your weaknesses and not hesitate to use them to his advantage. “I am hurt Kurt, very hurt. Did you come here because of me? Or Is this where you and your fellow witches gather to pick on the souls of the unfortunate. If it is the later, it is a good hunting ground.” I tilted the newly filled glass of whiskey in his direction and swallowed, the burn filled me with an enticing warmth.

“How do you people breathe in here? It is foul.” He frowned like the ambience did him wrong.

I smiled in acknowledgement, “You are here because of me! Oh my! To what do I owe the pleasure.”

Kurt was fighting the urge to roll his eyes, his white crisp shirt, jacket and fitted trousers were definitely not a fit for the Crow and I wondered what he wanted to tell me so much that he tracked me here. His grandfather owned Carl industries which made him part of the most influential family in Kolanpur and which was why he was an ideal candidate for husband but after getting to know him; no money was worth that attitude in a husband and I did not want to be tied down to that kind of affluence, I learned that the hard way. I wanted someone comfortable and easy. There was nothing easy with Kurt, nothing and I wish I knew that before opening my big mouth and proposing marriage to an eighteen-year-old brat.

“Can we leave please?” Kurt begged, this was new which meant this was serious. I slowly dropped my drink and signaled for him to pay for my drinks first. “Does everything have to be an exchange with you?”

I scoffed, “This is barely an exchange, it costs nothing. Stop whining about everything!” He had a serious problem holding his tongue and led me out of the Crow, I followed him slowly and carefully. He was behaving strangely, was he about to die? I came to a stop when I saw his flying car. There was no way I was getting into that death trap, land and sea was enough, I wasn’t about to test my fate with air. “I am not getting into that.”

Kurt sighed, “Do you still have a thing for heights?”

I was touched that he remembered but not that touched; “Yes, I do like every rational human being.”

“You didn’t use to be so stubborn when you were younger, you did what I asked when I asked.” He shook his head with nostalgia.

“I was a servant at your mother’s house, I was paid to do whatever you wanted within reason,” I answered, Kurt’s eyes flared at a certain unpleasant memory. I hated that I knew what it was and I hated that I was responsible for that hurt. The guilt was enough for me to test fate and so I entered the device that might take me to my death. Kurt strapped me in before getting in himself and driving or flying, I wasn’t sure the right verb to use in this case. I held on to my strap like a lifeline and closed my eyes but apart from the silent purr of the car, there was nothing else to indicate a plunge to death and opened my eyes. We were on the road, driving. Kurt didn’t fly but drove and I had a sinking suspicion that it had to do with me. He drove in silence until he got to a cinema that I could only dream of entering. He was treated like a King there, no wonder he had so much confidence, people were at his beck and call, that explained his big head as well, I muttered as I followed him to a fully air-conditioned private screening room. My back and stomach were exposed, Kurt took off his jacket and covered me with it before we sat.

“Okay, now you are beginning to truly scare me. Kurt, a gentleman! What do you want from me?” I frowned, I should have thought about it twice before following a man like him but I had known Kurt for a while, for all of his rudeness, he was an honorable man.

He sat facing me resignedly, “Answers.”

That made me chuckle, after so many years and now he wanted answers; this was ridiculous to say the least but I saw how determined he was and decided to humor him. “Go ahead, ask the questions.”

“Did my mother pay you to be friends with me?” His jaw was tight and I know he wanted a different answer from the one I was about to give him.

“Yes.”

“H… Tell me everything.” His hands closely tightened on his chair.

“I only planned on being a servant, the job paid well and so your mother offered me extra if I could make you talk like other teenagers once she saw that you paid attention to me. You never said a word, you talked to nobody and you were withdrawn, she promised me a lot of money if I could make you more approachable by being friends with you.” I answered as honestly as I could leaving out unnecessary details like her promising me a marriage match of my dreams. How long had I been obsessed with marrying up?

Kurt nodded, “Did she ask you to propose marriage to me?”

“Nah, after we became friends. I didn’t know the family you were from but we were cool, I enjoyed your companionship and for a second; I got greedy and proposed a match. Your mother ensured I never got a job in high society after that.” I shivered at the memory. She had changed from a desperate mother to a vicious one in a second. The likes of me were beneath her son; or so she said.

Kurt hands lessened on the chair handle and sighed; “So you had nothing to do with Frederick?”

I closed my eyes confused, “Who is that?” Kurt hissed like he was physically in pain and something clicked, “wait, what did your mother do?”

“Never mind that, I have a question. Now, without these painful histories behind us, if I asked you to marry me, would you?”