I can't be a Little? (Completed)

Chapter 15

Luke's pov:

As I was studying my book I was trying to take notes but my handwriting was all over the place as I struggled to hold a pen properly making me even more frustrated. Looking over at the toy box I though about routing out my cars, but quickly shook that though out of my head, 'you give in to easily, gotta stay big'. My waist feels dam and I see a wet mark on my shorts. "Ugh great" how can my control go from continent to not even a feeling that I got to go so quickly. I stand up and strip off my wet shorts and sodding pull up. ' I guess I need to put an actual diaper on' surely they're gotta be a non baby print one here somewhere' I say pulling out loads off the shelf until I found the most plain I could. One small teddy on the front. It will have to do for now!

"Right this can't be that hard, ok so lay on top and pull it threw and tape, mmmm maybe a bit tighter" thinking Iv got it I stand up, it sags a bit but it will have to do.
I find another pair of shorts pulling them on. I sit back down at my desk to try and focus again. Suddenly hear Ryan's voice shouting "luukkee dinner !!!" . Nope the thought of eating infront of them made it nauseous. Hearing it one more time I hear heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and then knocking on my door softly then pushing it open. I barely glanced up from my books seeing Troy before going back to looking interested in my books "Luke we shouted you for dinner, come on before it gets cold" "I'm fine thanks, you go eat" I reply not making eye contact. "Lukie you need to eat" "I'll eat when I'm hungry, I'm not right now so no, and it's luke not lukie" I continue while still not looking up at him. I hear a heavy sigh before footsteps disappear. Feeling good for myself for standing my ground.

A couple of minutes passed and I heard different footsteps coming my way. " Luke you need to come eat, we always sit down and eat together. You've only had bottles porridge and 1/2 an ice cream that's not enough." Ryan said. "If your so concerned plate me a dinner and I'll eat it later" I continued rolling my eyes.

A further sight was heard as he too walked away. I could hear muffled chats from the kitchen. I had slight fomo but I soon shook that from my head. "They would have you in a high chair with a bib getting fed" I wasn't going to put myself in that situation even if my stomach was giving a rumble. I was getting tired and my eyes were dropping probably the lack of food sleep and mental exhaustion as well as the intense focus to read. My eyes gave way when I lay my head down on my book. "Just 40 winks then I'll go eat" I tell myself in a whisper.

Jacobs pov:

I went for a walk after what Luke said, it really broke me, had I pushed the little thing to hard to soon? It's in my blood as a caregiver I suppose I never stood back and look at it from Luke's perspective. I got back to the house some time later and all the boys are eating dinner. "Hey Jacob, grab a plate there's plenty of chilli in the pot" Ryan offered. "Oh em thanks, why's Luke not here?" I asked. "Me and ryan tried, he wouldn't come down, I think he was studying."Troy offered. "Studying? Why would he be studying? He won't be going to class anymore as littles?" I ask confused. Turner gave a small clear off his throat "does he know that? I mean I didn't know littles don't school?". "Oh probably not, I'm not going to look forward to that conversation, maybe I should get that conversation out of the way. It's not like he could hate me more eh?" I say sadly. Turning to walk up the stairs.

I get to his nursery, pushing the slightly ajar door open I peak in to see a him slumped over the desk. There diapers thrown over the floor. I approach him slowly releasing he was fast asleep . I lower the bars of the crib. Gently lifting him up I place him down on the soft mattress. Pulling his shorts down I see an ill fitted diaper that was get.  " that's why the diaper are everywhere" I whisper. He had at least the sense to put one on if he badly. Grabbing a thick night one off the floor I quickly change him noticing a red rash forming. I don't think he cleaned himself off pee in between changed. I rubbed cream in after wiping him down. He fussed a little, I placed a paci between his lips, and the fussing stopped as a sucking sound was heard. Fitting the diaper back up I take off the T-shirt. I quickly run to my room and grab a plain grey T-shirt. Nothing with a baby print on it. I run back and place it on him noticing it comes down to his mid thighs.  He just looked so small. I stroke his hair softly and place sky in his arms which Luke quickly cuddled into. Raising the bars back up I put on the night light and back out of the room. " I guess I can look forward to telling him that law that he can no longer attend university" I say to myself with a heavy sigh.

Retreating back down stairs the boys had all finished up Ben was on cleaning duty.I dished up food from the pot sat silently eating it. "You know he doesn't mean it Jacob. He's just overwhelmed with emotions" Ben offered breaking the silence. "Iv really hurt him, I thought he was finally getting use to it after shopping for his bear and he looked so happy playing with his toys with turner befor napping. It's like sleeping hits a reset button" I say with a sigh. "He can only push away his natural little instincts for so long, you just need to be there for when that happens" I nod in agreement offer a small smile of thanks as I continued eating. "The others are in the garage gym, I'm going to go out, fancy joining ? Might take your mind off things" Ben asked as he walked towards the door looking back. " ye actually I'll come as soon as I finish this and get changed" I reply. Ben smiled and walked out.

I head upstairs to change peeking my head into the nursery to see Luke still sleeping. Closing the door over softly I get into my workout gear and head downstairs to the garage. Can hear the faint buzz of music and weight smacking, magnify when I opened the door. I soon settle in to training legs having a good laugh with the others I really needed this.

Luke's pov:

I awake with a jolt of a bad dream tears pricked my eyes but I soon wipe them away. Looked around I'm back in the crib. Sighing, I look down noticing I'm in a baggy T-shirt that smelled just like daddy, ugh Jacob. Looking under it I see a different thicker diaper on that was damp. I go to speak, noticing the pacifier. I reluctantly pull it out staring at it. Why does such an infantile thing have such a choke hold on me. Discarding it beside sky I stand up. "God these bars are getting taller and taller" I say while using all my strength to push me up and over it. My leg gets caught and I fall landing on my bum. More tears prickle my eyes "ouchie" I say as my bottom lip quivers. My mind feeling slightly fuzzy but I shake it away. "Stop it luke, pull yourself together" I say giving myself a pep talk. I waddle to the door opening it peaking out. Careful going downstairs I slipped on the 3rd last step twisting my ankle. I softly sobbed as I walked into the kitchen. I could hear music come from the garage, laughing and weighs banging. 'I wonder if I could still lift, I'll need to give it a go some time' I think to myself as I still sniffed and had soft tears falling from my eyes. My ankle really hurt to walk on but I refused to let it bother me. Opening the fridge I can't reach anything decent, at the bottom there was yougert. And purée fruit pouches. " guess it's this for dinner" I pulled some out and reached up to the drawer for a spoon. I tried to sit at the table but climbing onto the chair really hurt my ankle. So I sit my soft padded bum on the floor. Tucking into my amazing dinner, it was really difficult to peel the yogurt lids off and even harder to co ordinate the spoon from the container to my mouth. Smearing it on my cheeks and dropping some on my bare lap. The apple sauce went in a bit easier . I just had to suck on the top.m nozzle. Hearing the garage door open in the hall and all the laughing and chatting getting closer I froze. I was caught.