What never should've happened.

Scars pt.1

TRIGGER WARNING

This chapter contains detailed explanations of abuse, physical and psychological as well as some mentions of SA. Please avoid it if this triggers you. It's necessary to understand why Y/N is afraid and has trauma and ptsd.

Y/N's POV

You knew it was coming and you knew you couldn't avoid it any longer.

Your relationship with Yoongi was moving fast and it was evolving into something you felt, through your very core, that was going to be good for you for a long time. There was actual potential for more there and you didn't want to miss out on the opportunity to be happy with him because of your past.

It had taken you long enough to admit you wanted more, more than you thought you deserved, and now it was time to let someone else in. Lena and Huang couldn't continue to be your only source of comfort and help.

Yoongi could be too. Yoongi could eventually love you the way you always wanted and deserved and you owed it to yourself to try.

You took a deep breath and a huge gulp of wine.

"Okay. I need you to understand something. What I'm going to tell you is hard for me. It's hard to think about, it's hard to talk about, it still haunts my nightmares and it's the reason why I behave the way that I do. If at some point I cry, please, please, bear with me, because I can't help it."

Yoongi reached over and took your hand, "Y/N, if you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to. It's fine. I just want to get to know you better."

"No no. I want to. You need to know so that you can understand and know what you're getting yourself into. I also understand that it might be too much for you and you can tell me if this is a deal breaker or not. Don't even try to say no!" You stopped him before he could speak, the words dying on the tip of his tongue, "hear me out first and then decide."

"Okay." Was all he said and focused his eyes on you, waiting to hear your story.

"So, I already told you how I came to live in the U.S.," he nodded, "my masters program was two years long and at the very beginning of my second year, I began dating my best guy friend."

You visibly shivered.

"He was Lena's friend. Lena is my best friend in the world and, to some extent, I owe her my life." He looked puzzled and frowned, but you gave him a small smile and carried on, "it was during our first semester that Lena introduced me to him. He was already in his second year and I was dazzled by him. He was an intern at a major logistics company and was, oh so smart. Silly twenty two year old me fell for that really fast, but we were just friends by then."

The words came pouring out and you were in a bit of a trance, just recounting everything.

"We grew close. It was always the three of us, but he was sort of a ladies man and always had a different girl hanging off his arm while I was on the outside, looking in."

"At the end of my first year, this random guy from class asked me out and I said yes. I was tired of liking him and him not liking me back. This guy was nice, we went on maybe three dates...that made the asshole mad as hornets."

You scoffed. It all seemed so unreal now.

"I went home for Christmas and he followed me down. I was so shocked and excited when he showed up at my parents' house, going on and on about how he had hated me dating someone else, that he had been in love with me for months but he thought I didn't like him and that was why he partied and dated like he did. To get over me."

"He begged me to be with him and so, I acted like a total bitch and broke up with the other guy over the phone, to be with him. I guess karma came back to bite me in the ass because of that."