Linstead - Broken hearts

Chapter 63

Sam was so worried that she completely ignored what the kids were saying. She couldn't focus now. She felt that Jay always tried to lighten things up so she wouldn't feel so bad, but it was her sister, and she didn't know what to do.

The kids were talking, asking questions, and she didn't even bother to respond. She didn't want to be rude, but she was somewhat relieved that they didn't find it odd; if they did, they kept quiet about it. She responded to some things just by mumbling, and that was enough for the kids. She was also relieved that they were still very young—not so young that they didn't understand death at all, but not old enough to think it was something related to her sister, their mother.

She looked at them through the rearview mirror and saw that Maya was watching. Maya thought the girlfriend's sister was a bit strange, but she couldn't pinpoint why. The kids had been told that they wouldn't be going back to the hospital, which they didn't like very much, but none of them said anything.

It was very strange for her to interact with the kids; she didn't know how honest she could be with them. Although she had been a child herself, she hadn't spent much time around kids, and her upbringing was quite different from theirs when they were their age.

She didn't remember much before she was two. She remembered her sister, a teddy bear she got from her, and the promise Lindsay made, saying she would come back. Or maybe she didn't even remember that, because she was only two; maybe Erin reminded her when she got her custody years later.

Her memories started around age 4 or 5, when she lived with her mother, who left drugs, alcohol, or traces of them around the house: fights, swearing, threats, and all the horrible things that no one, especially a child, should witness. She knew a bit about the children's history but was aware that their life had been quite normal after Maya turned 5 and Jesse turned 2, which meant that, no matter how traumatic it was, their memories also began around that age.

At that age, she only remembered terrible things: she and her mother were evicted, lived in shady places for a while. The reality of her 6 and 8 years was different from Jesse and Maya's 6 and 8 years. She also had a different reality regarding her father and mother. First, because she never knew her father, and her mother wasn't the type to care about her children's mental health or anything like that; she always said inappropriate things in front of her daughter, regardless of the consequences.

Only when she moved in with Lindsay could she say she had a life similar to the children's. Her sister never left the house messy, there were no drugs, and alcohol was kept well hidden; she never saw her sister drinking until she was about 15, which meant Lindsay only drank when she wasn't around.

Another thing Lindsay had to teach her sister was manners. At times, Sam could be quite rude and cheeky, not just with her older sister but also with people at school and others in her life. Thus, good manners, like not talking back or swearing, had to be taught and introduced to a 9-year-old girl, something that should have been taught from birth.

That's why, whenever she saw Jay with the children, she watched. When Jay scolded them without yelling or hitting, which was unusual for her, she remembered that her older sister had never laid a hand on her, not even when she defended herself, thinking she would be hit, as she had been by her mother, her mother's boyfriends, and sometimes by a friend of her mother. She knew she was lucky never to have been abused and was sad knowing her sister had been. So she loved watching Jay being a father because it gave her peace to know that there are good parents in the world.

So, she knew that, at 9, her sister tried to give her the most normal life possible. She tried not to let the sad past influence the adult she would become. She realized that Davis had always tried to avoid traumas and hurts in her life, which made her reflect a lot on how to react with the children. She knew she liked the truth, just like Lindsay and Jay, but the children didn't always need it, especially since she didn't know the truth herself; her phone died before she could find out.