someday; s.m.

Chapter 40

1 week later.

North Black

Well. Letting Shawn go was the worst decision of my entire life. I guess it was just in the moment and I was mad I mean do you know how much I liked Jacob? Well not alot.. ugh I'm an idiot.
And no, I did not try talking to him. He doesn't seem like he wants anything to do with me anyways and neither does his friends. I'm back to sitting by myself in the corner of the school cafeteria.

Do I miss him? More than anything. But I'm more afraid of what I'm going to do without him, what if I try something again? Shawn's not here to keep me pushing. I'm honestly just done.

I felt tears brewing in my eyes but I pushed them down, that has been my entire week.

I reached for the necklace that has been keeping me calm for the last month and it was gone. Oh right, I threw it at the best thing in my life.

I dumped the rest of my food out, not like I ate any of it anyways and walked to the bathroom.

The empty halls filled with whispers. People are still talking about it. I walked into the girls bathroom and scanned the stalls for feet.

After feeling like I was alone I turned on the tap and let the water fill my hands. I splashed some water on my face and wiped the fallen tears.

"it's okay.. it's okay.. it's okay..it's okay.. it's okay" I whispered to myself and wiped the tears that wouldn't stop.

"Idiot idiot idiot" I heard a girl curse sounding like she was pounding her head with some sobbing behind her.

"Hello?" I asked. "is any one here?" I heard a deep gasp.

"A-are you okay?" I asked, I know I should have just left at that point but the idiot part that let go of my lifeline struck me again.

"Yea.." she said.

"Look if you need a tampon I have one" I said.

"No I'm fine"

"No seriously what's wrong?" I persisted and the door slowly opened revealing a sweet brunette girl.

"Are you new here?" I asked.

"No. You?"

"Kinda. Do you wanna go sit down, maybe eat lunch?" I asked and she nodded.

She slowly walked out of the stall and dried her eyes.

"I'm North" I said.

"May" she said.

We walked to the lunch line and grabbed something and sat down at my usual table.

"Why were you crying?" I asked her.

"Nothing"

"Come on we both know that's not true" I said.

"Why were you crying?" She asked.

"Well my entire life is a mess and I just lost the only good thing in my life because I'm an idiot. And I have absolutely no friends now and I just want to cry forever but I have to come here everyday and act strong when I'm not because I'm broken and that's the truth. I need help why doesn't anyone else feel this way. Why am I so alone and why can't I just turn back time and fix all my mistakes because if I could I'd be smiling and not want to burst into tears every time I look in the mirror I'd be skinny and I'd have the perfect life with the most perfect boyfriend and the most perfect hair and the most perfect face and that's not what life is I'm was just not meant to be happy I'm a freaking test subject. People just through as much as they can on a fragile fifteen year old girl and see how long she can hold it together before breaking down and-" she interrupted me with a hug.

I realized she was crying on my shoulder and I patted her back.

"I know" she sniffled.