Daryl's Girl

Chapter 91

She finished her bottle and then slowly fell to sleep in my arms. I don't think that, if this happened back in Atlanta or on the farm, I'd have been able to hold her. But now, it was like there was something different about me. Something that made the cracks in my walls start to show. I don't know if it was losing Lily that started it, but I cared for these people. I cared what happened to them. Hell, if Merle was still here, I don't think I would be. We'd be off somewhere doing what ever the hell Merle wanted to do.

I stood there for a little longer just rocking asskicker back and forth before I hesitantly handed her to Beth. She then rested her in her shoulder before beginning to burp her. Me not being able to take my eyes from the small human. As far as babies go she was cute.

"We need to find her something to sleep in." Briana broke the silence in a hushed tone. "She can't sleep in the beds. She's too small."

"I'm on it." I replied, walking into the other room, before anyone else could say a word.

I first took some wood from the side and grabbed a hammer and some nails, making a layout of a box on the floor. There weren't any already laying around so this'd have to make do. I then began hammering, using some of my own weight to make sure the box was sturdy and she wasn't gonna fall out when moved.

Once that was done, I put both the hammer and the remaining nails back and picked up a black marker. I then write 'Lil ass-kicker' on the front. I wasn't much good around others but I used to be handy with a hammer. Especially when Merle was off on one of his benders. Shit would be broken all over, including his own nose if he was lucky.

I snapped from my thoughts, realising that I was just stood staring at the box, and went and gathered a couple of spare sheets from the cells we weren't using. I then folded them placing them into the box so that the wood was covered on the inside. Last came the doll. I picked up the toy and placed it inside. I needed to make sure she was comfortable and we needed to raise her right. Raise her to be able to take care of herself and to care for others. Raise her to have respect for those around her.

Once I was finished, I carried the box back into the common room and placed it down onto the table in front of Beth. It was as I was leaving that I noticed everyone was looking over at me with wide smiles in their faces. I ignored it and made my way over to my perch. I felt empty. Emptier than I'd been in a long time. Sure, that little girl was one of the only distractions I had, but now, I don't know what to do with myself.

Lost in thought, I hadn't realised that Briana had made her way up to the top of the stairs until she said something. "Glenn, Axel, Oscar and Jace buried the bodies whilst you were gone." She sighed. "They didn't find Lily. They just..." I huffed and placed my arm behind my head as she walked over, not being able to finish her sentence. "You know, Lily wanted to tell me something this morning, but she never got the chance. Did she tell you?"

I shook my head slightly. "No. She didn't." Why would she tell me? She doesn't trust me. Hell, after what I'd said, who'd blame her? She said it herself. She only forgave me for the sake of the group, but I for one could see the pain and grief that my words caused her.

"I guess I'll never know." She sighed and walked into her cell. I could hear her sobs coming from inside.

I felt sorry for Briana. I think Lily was one of the only people that she felt most comfortable around. They'd go on about being friends for a long time and they were always together. Always stuck up for one another. If you didn't know them someone would mistake them for sisters. I remember hearing the two of them mumble as they spoke before going to sleep. Now it was quiet. Instead of hearing the mumbling, I could hear sobbing.

As I listened, I couldnt help but think...feel, that if I hadn't have said the things I did or supported her with the prisoners, she'd still be here. If I hadn't have blown our argument out of proportion that night, she'd still be alive. Now, there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to carry the guilt. Carry the fact I'd never have the chance to show her how sorry I was. How much I...loved her.

I think I must've fallen asleep at some point as I woke up the next morning and it was still dark outside. I stood up and picked up my crossbow to find that no one else was awake. All I could hear was the sniffles of the baby but that was all. Everything was silent.

I took this time to walk out of the cell block and out through the gate into the field. The main gate then rattled as I opened it and closed it again behind me. I then took my crossbow from my shoulder once again and walked into the forest. I didn't have to walk far to find what I was looking for. I picked the flower and made my way back.

I slid the gates open again and slipped inside closing them behind me. With my crossbow over my shoulder I walked to the graves. The sun was starting to rise as I approached her grave.

Being alone in the field felt weird. I took the cherokee rose from my inside pockets and crouched down by the side. The small stones were placed down in an 'L' shape with the cross above them.

The flower sat perfectly in the corner of the 'L'. I then moved some of the dirt around the rose and placed my hand on the end of the cross. We lost three great people. People who were part of this family. People who deserved to have so much more than what they had.

After a while I took one more look at the grave before heading back to the cell blocks. Where ever they are now, it's peaceful. They don't have to worry about the world outside these walls.

Everyone was now awake and Briana was making everyone breakfast. She handed me a bowl as I entered and I sat on the steps. I couldn't help but notice Beth rocking and feeding Little ass-kicker. She was good at it.

"Everybody okay?" Rick called from the door way. I hadn't noticed him standing there. This was the first time I think I'd seen him since Lori passed.

We all stopped what we were doing and looked at him. He had blood all over his shirt, bags under his eyes. "Yeah, we are." Briana spoke for everyone.

"What about you?" Hershal asked as Rick came and walked up to Carl.

"I cleared out the boiler block." He relpied ignoring Hershal's question.

"How many were there?" I asked.

Rick stood with his hands in his pockets before replying. "I don't know. A dozen, two dozen. I have to get back. Just wanted to check on Carl." Rick patted Carl's shoulder and started walking out again.

"Rick, we can handle taking out the bodies. You don't have to." Glenn stepped up.

Rick stopped and turned around. "No, I do." He then started walking over to me. "Everyone have a gun and a knife?" He asked me.

I assumed that everyone did. "Yeah. We're running low on ammo though."

"Maggie and me were planning on making a run this afternoon." Glenn stood up from the table. "Found a phone book with some places we can hit, look for bullets and formula."

"We cleared out the generator room." Briana added. "Axel's there trying to fix it in case of emergency."

"We're gonna sweep the lower levels as well." I confirmed.

Rick nodded and started walking out of the room again. "Good, good."

"Rick!" Hershal called after him as he shut the gate and ignored him.

The echos of his footsteps walking away could be heard down the tunnles. Rick's slipping. It's down to us to bring him back, how ever ling that'd take.

I finished my food and placed my bowl on the table. Everyone was looking to me for the answers. I told Rick that we were gonna clear the lower levels and that's what we're gonna do.