Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Kamila } Native

Client: Awe_Da_City

Reviewer: Kamila_DeRico

Title + Cover: 20/20

The cover is visually striking and beautifully designed, featuring appealing typography that is clear and readable while still maintaining its beauty.

The title is short and memorable, leaving a strong impression on the reader.

Blurb: 10/10

The blurb effectively captures the premise without revealing too much. It is engaging, setting up clear stakes and tension between each of the characters involved.

Plot: 6/10

The book has an interesting premise, telling the story of two characters simultaneously while intertwining them in a unique and natural way.

First off, I love how the book immediately grounds readers through world-building—establishing its location and time period. The world feels believable and consistent within its internal logic. However, a few questions remain unanswered throughout the story.

The first, and I believe the most important, concerns the Kamar. Yes, a magical tool that grants limitless power to any member of the royal family who wields it—that much is established. But the true core of the Kamar's existence is not.

What exactly is the Kamar? Where did it come from? How did it originate? These questions are briefly addressed in a few chapters but ultimately left unresolved.

Moving on to Adara's side of the story, readers notice that events often unfold a little too conveniently for her. Fired from the Delta Force? Another man is immediately ready to offer her work. Need to find Suri? She happens to visit the rescue centre he once stayed at and coincidentally stumbles upon him on the day he happens to be there.

When this occurs too frequently, it becomes repetitive and predictable, weakening Adara as a character.

Suggestions:

1 It's fine if you choose to keep the Kamar mysterious; however, if not, ensure its purpose and origin are clearly established early on.
2 Let Adara work for her goals. When everything simply falls into place because the plot dictates it, she risks feeling more passive than active.

Writing Style: 6/10

Your writing style is overall quite neat and accessible, though there are a few lapses that may hinder readability.

Something peculiar I noticed, though not often, is the use of words that don't quite fit within a sentence.

For example:

"My heart beat towers in my throat."

The sentence itself is confusing. If you mean to show that her heart rate increases, there are more suitable word choices than towers.

Additionally, readers don't get much setting description or exposition regarding the characters' environment or actions. Most details are inferred through dialogue.

While this can be brilliant at times, leaving room for reader interpretation, it becomes troublesome when overused.

Now, onto the area where I found the most issues: redundancies.

Some notable examples include:

"I open my eyes to the clinking of a glass. Opening my eyes, I immediately squint..."

"Careful," I hear faintly, slowly adjusting my eyes. I finally get to see my surroundings: I'm in my room, lying on my bed. The overhead lights had been the culprit for my vision problems, and I managed to turn my head. That hurt too, but not as much as I expected. I see a glass of water on my nightstand, and... oh, good. It's Klen.

"Klen?" I mutter, barely audible. "Am I in my room?"

"I'm awoken from my nap as the jet wheels clash into the tarmac. My hand instinctively reaches for the seat in front of me as I slide the blind up. Morning light creeps in from the Italian sunrise, blinding me momentarily as I try my best to regain my focus."

"I fidget with my pistol in my holster, assuring it's snug in its holster."

These sentences demonstrate redundancy through repetition or restating the same idea. There's also an abundant use of similar dialogue tags such as she said, I said, they replied.

Suggestions:

1 A thorough line and copy edit would eliminate most writing errors, cut down redundant phrasing, and refine awkward sentences.

Characterization: 7/10

Both main characters have strong voices and are generally well-fleshed out, with defined goals, fears, and beliefs—especially in Kali's case.

However, Adara's storyline lacks a clear point of conflict or end goal. At the beginning, when she's dismissed from the Delta Force, readers are intrigued to see how she'll evolve and overcome this setback. But the conflict is quickly resolved in the following chapter when she's offered a new, even better position.

Adara has no active internal motivation driving her story, unlike Kali, whose conflict is deeply personal and compelling. This leaves readers with little to root for.

Additionally, readers sometimes lack access to Adara's internal emotions. Take the Prologue, for instance, when Raleigh asks Adara to lead a private task force he's forming. We get no insight into her thoughts—no shock, excitement, or hesitation. Nothing.

This may seem like a small issue, but it creates noticeable distance between readers and her character.

Suggestions:

1 Giving Adara a defined point of conflict, as you did with Kali, would make her arc far more engaging and memorable.
2 Open up Adara's inner world to readers. Let us hear her thoughts, feel her emotions, and understand who she truly is beneath the surface.

Grammar + Punctuation: 8.9/10

This section remains fairly neat throughout, though there are moments of punctuation misuse, particularly commas appearing where periods would be more appropriate.

Pacing: 5/10

The pacing was inconsistent throughout the book. Some scenes rush by due to a lack of grounding descriptions, while others slow down because of repeated ideas.

Suggestion:

1 To control pacing, add descriptive elements to scenes that move too quickly, but avoid reiteration to keep the flow natural and steady.

Overall: 62.9/80

The book has a beautiful premise and was genuinely enjoyable to read. With a few tweaks, proper editing, and proofreading, it could truly shine and be even more appreciated.