Lights. Camera. PDA. (HS // au)

I think I'm gonna lose my mind

Savannah

I kissed him, I think to myself as I open the door and stumble into my apartment, temporarily forgetting the small bump just at the entrance.

My mind is continuously replaying the whole incident like a freaking movie and no matter what I do, I can't seem to stop it.

I absent mindedly take my shoes off, leaving them in the middle of the room and flopping down on the couch. My body can't seem to accept the fact that I actually, really, factually kissed Harry Styles.

Not just a peck on the cheek or a slight brushing of the lips, but a proper smack down kiss which has successfully caused me to lose all sense of being. My skin feels like it's on fire wherever he touched me, my lips still feel swollen and my body smells of him, as if he imprinted himself on me. I think I'm gonna lose my mind.

All I can think or concentrate on was how rushed it was. One second I was trying to process the fact that Harry was dangerously close to me with an equally dangerous look on his face. And right the next second, we were kissing as if there wasn't anything left to do in this world other than feed off of each other's lips.

That's the thing which is bothering me, though. That this kiss we shared wasn't passionate, it didn't mean anything. All we did was hungrily devour each other because there was nothing more to the kiss than sheer lust and desire.

Way to be ungrateful, Savannah.

I roll my eyes at my perverted thinking and bury my face in my hands, gripping a bunch of my hair tightly as they fall on either side.

It's not about being ungrateful or judgemental. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that I would actually kiss Harry. But I also had never imagined that I would kiss him only for lust.

What is happening to me?

Gone is the girl who used to blush by just thinking of Harry; the girl who never felt desire burn so strongly through her veins. Gone is the girl who yearned to fall in love with him and for him to love her back; who thought that she was actually in love with her celebrity crush.

The girl I am now is hardcore and ready to live on the edge; someone who isn't afraid to embrace change or take risks. The girl I am now knows the difference between romance and pleasure.

And as much affection I have for Harry, I won't deny the fact that what we want from each other is just pleasure. After all, this is business.

I stand up and walk towards the window, twisting a strand of my hair around my finger. Smirking to myself, I think how exciting it'll be to see him tomorrow; seeing him again, with the same smile, the same hair, same eyes. But knowing that just a day before, those smiling lips were pressed ferociously against mine, those dreamy hair were messed up because my hands couldn't stop exploring them, and those eyes reflected nothing but wild lust.

It won't be the same. Nothing will be the same.

My phone rings, disrupting my thoughts and I reluctantly answer it.

"Hey, Hazel."

"You went shopping with him!" She squeals in my ear and I pull the phone away, rolling my eyes at her unnecessary excitement.

"Yeah, I did." I casually admit.

"I just saw the photo he posted on Instagram and Twitter. Oh, my God, you both are extremely adorable!"

I chuckle, finding the word adorable a bit too babyish. "I'd say that we are hot."

"Oh, please." She snorts. "He's hot, you aren't."