Mr Hood (Calum Hood AU)

Part Fifty-Two - Distance...

After I left Summer's that night I haven't been back. I wanted to go back, so badly. Spencer told me it was for the best. I had gone back the next day but she was still crying. Summer was still breaking down and it was all my fault. I have never felt as horrible as I did in that moment. I made her cry, I hurt her. I had broken my promise. Every single time I promised I wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt her and I did it. I never thought that I would have to protect her from myself. That really messed me up.

Luke was obviously still going to the house but it was for Spencer. They are still together. I wanted to tell him to see how Summer was doing. It took everything in me not to go round when I knew that Spencer was at work and it was even worse trying not to call or text her. But I realised that it was for the best. I was the one that broke her and so I cannot be the one to put her back together.

I'm still insanely jealous over Elijah. They have this whole past that nobody knows about. And it obviously means a lot to Summer or else she wouldn't be in this state. I was a douche to her. I was thinking about my own feelings when she was back. I thought she would have been happy to be back but she wasn't. She was still caught up in her life with him and that was something I didn't and probably won't ever understand. My jealousy consumed me and in a split second it made me lose her. But maybe it was for the best.

Summer can't want me. It has shown in these past few weeks. I am not good for her. I was at the beginning but not anymore. I can't help her with this. Because this isn't something she needs my help with. It is normal for her to be hurting and I made it so much worse. I became something that broke her and made her hurt. Hurt that Elijah didn't cause. It was me.

Once I had realised that I knew that I had to take a step back. I had to stay away from her in order for her to heal. I was not the cure anymore, I was the cause and so, for Summer, I couldn't be around her anymore. It hurt me. But I would rather I hurt than Summer. She doesn't deserve to hurt anymore and I was making that happen. So as much as it pained me, I stayed away. I cut off contact and I let her be. She can focus on school and her relationships, the ones she had before I became part of her life.

I spent my time writing again, music was the release for my hurt again. It was like a total flashback to when I was 17 and trying to get through my life. The guys were probably pissed at the fact instruments were being played into the early hours of the morning and having to put up with that and my singing. But they said nothing about it. The guys knew I needed my space at the moment. Space to be able to cope with losing Summer.

After a few more days I got a surprise visit from someone I never expected to want to see me. A knock sounded on my door and when I opened it, I got a surprise. "Spencer?" I asked confused to see him. He looks like he needed help. And I was not going to deny him that. "Can we talk?" He asked me. I nodded and stepped out of the way for him to come into my room.

I sat on my bed and gestured for him to take a seat on the couch in the corner. "What's up? Is Summer alright?" I asked, my worries coming to the fore front of the conversation. Spencer let out a sigh. "I'm not sure man." He answered. I knew there was more coming so I stayed quiet to allow him to think for a while.

"She got a delivery the other day. It was stuff that she had asked for from the police." He told me and I sat there not understanding. "It was the things from Elijah's house. The things from her art room that he had set up for her. All this artwork, photographs and writing she had created while she was there." He let out a sigh and I was so confused. She did art there? When she was being held captive. "What is it like?" I asked him. "It's beautiful honestly. She must have been really inspired there. It's amazing and genuinely so cool. I am just so confused and worried." I must say, I was expecting it to be really dark. Things that she would never want to see. "That just have been what she did while she was there. He wouldn't give her a phone and she never left the grounds. So she must have just done art and things taut she enjoyed." I said, just saying what I was thinking pretty much.

"But wait, you said you were worried. Why?" I asked after I thought about what he's said. "It's just, ever since she got it, she's stayed in her room. Looking over everything and admiring it all. She spends a lot of time looking through it all, especially the photographs of him. It's like she is obsessed. Like she wishes she was back there, with Elijah. She doesn't come out of her room unless it is to eat. That is rarely though. She hardly even speaks to me. She's not even mentioned your name. She is still broken over it, I know that much. But it's like she is using Elijah and her memories to avoid it. Avoid thinking about you." He tells me and I take it all in. I knew that she missed him. But I don't know why she is closing herself off, even to her brother.

"I just don't know what to do about it. I was hoping you could help me?" He tells me after a while of silence. I look at him in surprise. "You want my help?" I ask, clarifying what he had said. "Yes. I don't think that you coming back into the picture will help, but do you have any advice?" He tells me and I nod in understanding. "Try getting her to talk about something else. See if you can get her to do school work instead of fo using of Elijah. Maybe get Sasha round to talk to her. See if she can get her mind off him and me too. She might just need a little push into something else." I suggest the first thing to come to mind. "Make sure that she isn't feeling like a patient. She needs her friends and she doesn't need more stress." I add on. Summer hates pity and she hates when people act differently around her. Spencer nods. "Thanks mate." He says gratefully. I nod and give him a smile.

He gets up and heads for the door. "Look Calum, I really appreciate you staying away. I just don't think that she can get over what happened with you around because for some reason she groups you together with it all. You were there to save her at the beginning, you were there in the hospital, you helped her get the memories back, you were there throughout the journey. And I think that you have been a comparison to Elijah. It isn't healthy for her. Which is why I think you need space." He explains and as much as I don't understand what he is saying, I can appreciate that I amn't helping her. "I know that I need to stay away. I am not helping her. I cause her pain. And that is something that Elijah didn't do to her. He didn't make her cry and that is something I'm going to carry. I'm really sorry about what I've done. I just hope she gets over this as best as she can." I admit to Spencer. I've come to terms with it and I need to stay away.

"Thanks again." He smiles at me sadly before leaving. And there I am, alone again. Thinking about the girl I left broken on her bedroom floor. All I can do is care from a distance. Because being up close is no good to her. My jealousy was never a good thing and I really released the green eyed monster to her. It showed me how destructive I can be. Even to the one I care most for.

Distance can be a good thing. In this case, I know that it certainly is for the best. At least, I hope it is.