Mr Hood (Calum Hood AU)

Part Fifty-Six - I'm not me without you

These past two weeks have been hell. I've been trying to avoid Summer for her own good. I don't want her to have to see me. After the last time I saw in Luke's office I've seen her around but we haven't spoken. It's pretty hard not to see her, she's at school, she comes to my house and I see her walking around where we live. She always looks troubled and deep in thought so I doubt she's really thinking about bumping into me. It sucks.

I have come to terms with the fact that I like her, I like her a lot. I just know that nothing can happen for several reasons. She is a student at the school I work in. Everything that happened with Elijah needs to be sorted within herself before she even thinks about anything else. And I really hurt her. My jealousy overtook me and I said all these things that broke her. The age we thing isn't even really an issue to me anymore. She's 18 and I'm 25 but it's not that big a gap. She's an adult legally now, so she can make her own decisions. But I seriously doubt she would ever make the decision to want me the ways I want her.

The guys have noticed that I am always very distracted and they don't know how to take it. I don't know if they know what's it's about. They try to get me to do the things I used to do. This whole year has changed me and it's made me into this person I never imagined I'd become. I'm closed off and stuck inside my own thoughts the majority of the time. I don't really go out anymore or do anything fun, well I don't find them fun anymore. I have given up a lot because of what happened and it's messed me up. I can pretend like I'm fine to everyone but the guys, Luke, Ash and Mikey, they know that I'm not okay. They've known me far too long to know when I'm acting and when I'm feeling lost.

Tonight though, they want me to go out and forget. Forget about everything that's happened and let loose. I don't want to forget but I'll do it anyway, I'll go for them. Because I can't keep dragging them down with my moods.

I get dressed into my skinny black jeans, I tug a black and white shirt over my head. I leave my hair to do it's own thing mostly, dragging my fringe over to the left and that's it. All there's left to do is pull on my combat boots and grab the things I'll need. "Cal, you ready to head off?" Ash comes in and asks as I slip my lighter in my back pocket. Turning with a smile. "Yeah. Let's do this." I grin at him. He smiles back at me, fully dimpled. "Yes boy!" He laughs. We walk down to meet the other two in the kitchen as they eat the rest of the pizza we had for dinner.

"The wanderer returns!" Michael shouts and I laugh. "That doesn't make sense." Mikey just shrugs. "I don't even care." He laughs and hugs me. "He already had something?" I ask Luke and he just shrugs. "I think he's just excited to see you. You know how he gets." Luke tells me and I feel instantly bad. I have been isolating myself from them, my best friends. Michael is my longest friend and he's excited to see me, that makes me feel like shit. I pull him back in for a hug, having missed him too. "You're my best friend Mikey, you know that right?" I say as I hold onto him. "Hey!" Luke shouts and I shrug. "Shut up Luke!" Ashton says. "Hey! That's my line!" Michale shouts against me and I laugh with them. I've missed this, I've missed them. "And yes, of course I know. Who else would it be." Michael chuckles and Luke tries to glare but it breaks almost instantly.

We get my car and start the drive to the bar they've chosen, the same one where I rescued Summer and all this shit started. "Hey Lukey?" Ashton shouts randomly. "Yeah Ash?" He replies. "Where's Spencer?" Ash asks. "He's at work tonight. Got another big case he needs to sort out for trial." Luke tells us and we just nod. "I always forget he's like an actual big shot lawyer sometimes." Michael laughs. "Why?" I ask, confused on how you'd forget that, the boy is always in expensive suits. "Well just because when he's with Luke, he's always so quiet and whenever they have their silly arguments he always just lets Luke win. I figured he'd be better at arguing." Michael shrugs and I turn to Luke and his face is going red. "I guess you give up a lot for love." Ashton jokes and Luke goes even redder. I laugh with the other two boys. They always did enjoy making fun of baby Luke.