:DAN | danxreader

Chapter Fifty-Seven

DAN'S P.O.V:

"no new video as promised tonight, sorry." I tweet.
Another click later and the video I did with her is deleted.

It feels like I deleted a little bit of our relationship, if not a big piece of it.

Maybe that's what I need. Maybe not but maybe yes. Maybe I am being stupid, but how would I know.

I just told the person I love the most that she should leave me.

At this point I don't even know what our relationship is standing at right now. We didn't break up, I think.
Wait, did we?

The panic overtakes me and I grab my phone to text her:

Dan: I love you.

Message read, no response.

Dan: Baby, I love you. I just fucking love you.

YOUR P.O.V:

I put my phone down and stare back at the computer screen.

I don't know what to believe anymore. He said he loves me multiple times but how am I supposed to believe him when he literally told me it would be best to find someone else.

Y/N: It's okay dw.
Dan: No it's not, can I see you?
Y/N: I have work in the morning, I'm going to bed.
Dan: But I'm leaving for Australia tomorrow
Y/N: Have fun in Oz.
Dan: Are you serious? I won't see you for a whole entire month?
Y/N: Isn't that what you would consider best?
Dan: I love you though.
Y/N: Fuck you.

'I love you'. Every time he says that, it feels like it doesn't have any meaning to it.
I am annoyed at him.
I am  hurt that he won't believe me and I'm hurt that he loves me.
It hurts to love someone who doesn't love themself.

***

"She likes to dance like Uma Thurman, bury me till I confess..." my phone blares out at 7 am.
I get up and go into the shower.
Everything in my house reminds me of him.
The shower gel he uses when he's at my place, his clothes that are laying around in my bedroom, even my sidetable that has 'decorative' coffee stains on it, as he would say.

I come home from work early today; my boss said I look sick.
The only thing that makes me sick is him and his messages.
He's texted me more often that he loves me in the past 24 hours than he has in the past 6 months.

I don't respond, why would I.

I want to wait until his texts seem meaningful again and I wonder if that'll ever happen.

Since I have the evening free, I clean my house. I clean my head.

I put his clothes in the washer but take them out QUICKLY after. Maybe because I'm not his maid after all, maybe because I don't want his smell to fade away.

I just load my stuff in the washer and hang up some other clothes.

Under all of the mess in my room, I find my graduation dress.
I pick it up and smell it.
It's still beautiful and it still smells of the flowers Dan gave me.
Trying to get the stinging smell off, I shake the dress leading to a note falling out of it.