:DAN | danxreader

Chapter Hundred and Twenty-Eight

"What?", he quietly asks. His eyes begin to water and don't break contact with mine until I look down at my hands: "Yes. I want to stay here."

"For how much longer?"

"I have no idea yet. Maybe just this year, maybe-"

"Are you serious? When you talked about staying I thought for a couple more months not... years."

I shrug and now look up to his now blood shot eyes: "Dan, I'm not doing this to harm you. You know I love you."

"I... I don't even know what to say. How do want to manage a long distance relationship if it has been horrid for these past weeks?"

I take his hands into mine and begin to draw absurd shapes on his palm: "I'm sure we'll get used to it. I'm sure we'll manage it just fine if we communicate properly. "

"I don't think so. Honestly.", he now says and slowly pulls his hands away.

"We haven't even tried."

"I think these weeks have given me enough proof. Ask Phil and he'll tell you how miserable I was. And you telling me that you wanted to leave me behind in Engalnd didn't make anything easier. When you left I couldn't wait for me to come visit you but now I'm just not seeing the sense of it."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

He sighs: "I'm 25. You want to stay here for a few years. By the time you return, if you ever, I'll be almost thirty years old and I feel like I want to settle down by then. You know I want to marry you."

"I know Dan. I know. But that's not what I want right now. Yes, in a few years but not now. Why not spend these few years doing something fun?"

"I don't want to tell you what to do. I just want you to know that I don't think we can keep growing in our relationship when we are so far apart. That's how I feel."

"So does this mean you would, no, will break with me?", I say, now feeling tears burn in my eyes.

"I don't know."

"Wow. That's how it is. I see."

"Babe. I love you more than anything but I can't live my life with someone I want by my side constantly on another continent. I just simply can't."

"Rip off the bandaid."

"What?"

"Do it. Now. Get it over with."

"Love, I don't want to break up with you no-"

"Why not? I'm staying here regardless so why not?", I say, the anger fuming inside of me.

"Because I don't want it to be fucking true for god's sake.", he now shouts.

I don't say anything but look out of the window onto the beautiful city in front of me. In my head, our reunion would've been romantic and filled with love and good emotions. We would've skyped every day and visited each other every other month when I leave for New York. But now I'm sat here contemplating whether or not to break up with the love of my life.