Guarded

Trust Issues

"What did he do if you don't mind me asking"

"um i really don't like talking about him but he killed me inside he has physically,mentally and socially abused me" i told him

"What do you mean by physically" he asked i didn't say anything "he didn't" he whispered "he did" i whispered "he raped you" he whispered i nodded "i'm gonna kill him" he whispered "my mom tried to stop him but it was to late" i confessed "i'm so sorry" he apologized

"also i have memories of him beating the living hell out of me, he told me I wasn't pretty enough to be a princess when I was 5 my mom always called me princess Alex and my dad told me I would never be a princess he pushed his cock so far into me that i cough up blood" i told him he had tears in his eyes too

"what else" he asked "why" I asked "because i care" he said "he called me names like whore, Slut, tramp, hoe, nobody, dumb ass piece of shit, good for only sex, go back to the hell hole you came from, your a worthless piece of shit i wish you were dead" i cried he just listened

"My body is bruised and broken i am ashamed of who I'm terrified of him

I constantly live in fear sometimes I feel like the only way to take the pain away is to die i keep all my feelings inside you are the only person

I've ever told i wanted to kill myself  i tried to take my life a couple times I felt isolated and lonely as a child. In fact I still feel that way " my voice wobbly with fear

he wiped my tears "why are you crying" i asked him "because you mean a lot to me and i can't believe someone would do that to you and you are beautiful i don't care if you have scars and bruises on you it doesn't bother me" he whispered

"Whats wrong with you" Jeremy sees justin "i got kicked in the balls by her dad" Justin explains

"your dad was here oh no" my mom speaks clearly i nodded "did he touch you" she responded "he slapped me but that's it justin punched him in the face twice and got kicked in the balls for me" i explained my mom is a doctor so she can help justin

"Justin are you okay" my mom asks "no it hurts so bad" he said "is it swollen" "um i don't know i hope not" he got up and ran into the bathroom and shut the door

He came back a couple seconds later "um a little is that bad" he made his way over to the couch and Sat next to me "no but keep the ice on it" he put the frozen peas back on his area

"Were going out to dinner are you guys gonna be okay by yourselves" "yeah" Justin tells them

They leave we're still on the couch

I glace down at the burning, crippling,gnawing cuts deep in my wrists and up my arms That still very much gush blood every once in a while

"you cut" his voice soft-spoken i glaced over at him i nodded "can you stop.....for me please" "i'll try" i told him

I let out a big shaky breath "so how's your situation" i spoke quietly "um it's better" he confessed looking directly at me holding the boo boo buddy on my cheek he took it off "i'm sorry about your cheek" he apologized

I glace at him "why do you apologize it's not your fault so why apologize?" My voice quiet "well usually people apologize for something they didn't cause when they feel bad or they want to help" he explained "so you care" i asked him

"yeah i care look i'm not a mean person you don't have to trust me but I told you I'm not gonna hurt you" he informed me "i can't believe he thought you were my boyfriend or that I would have a boyfriend after what he did to me"

"What you wouldn't date me" he asked  "i don't know i don't think I will ever be able to"  i confessed  

"why because he raped you" he stuttered  i nodded "you just have to meet someone who won't force it and will understand if you're not ready and won't pressure you into something you don't want" he explained to me