Guarded

Depression

5 minutes later
Justin and i were standing on the stage I still didn't feel good i was nauseous
I threw up twice on stage and on Justin's shoes "ewwwww" alfredo says i looked up at justin "I'll buy you new shoes" i told him weakly he took his shirt off and wiped my mouth with it he took off his shoes. Yael wiped his shoes and gave them back the janitor i guess you would call it cleaned off the stage

We went back to the bus I walked into the bathroom and shut the door and locked it i took everything off i got a cold shower and washed everything and
shaved under my arms and legs and down there I got out and dried off and dried my hair and double braided it i took my contacts out and put my glasses on and changed into (pic above) i walked out of the bedroom and Justin was sitting next to Alfredo on my couch

I sat down next to Justin "i'm sorry i threw up on you" i told him "its okay" he told me

Scooter came on the bus with Yael and the doctor "Alex you need to get checked out" he told me

20 minutes later the doctor was done checking me out "um I think I know what's wrong" she told me "yes" scooter asked "she's depressed" she said "depressed by what" justin asks "well depression can be caused by alot of things like a tour" she says "no i love tour thats not it" i confessed "a break up or an ex boyfriend you know isn't good for you but you still love and miss him" she told me "or grief or trauma of something or even menstruation " she explained to us justin looked at me "what" i asked him he didn't say anything "justin no i'm not on my period" i told him he smiled "good" he said

....
It was my turn to go on stage I was wearing the shout out to my ex outfit I didn't feel good at all I was pushed on stage on the giant heart the lights came on people were screaming the music to shout out to my ex started I started singing I changed some of the lyrics

"This is a shout out to my ex
Heard he fuckin with some other chick
Yeah yeah, that hurt me, I'll admit
Forget that boy, I'm over it" I sang I stepped off the heart and did the moves to the song as I sang

"I hope she gettin' better sex
Hope she ain't fakin' it like I did, babe
Took three long months to call it quits
Forget that boy, I'm over it

Guess I should say thank you
For the hate yous and the tattoos
Oh baby, I'm cool by the way
Ain't sure i loved you anyway
Go 'head, babe, I'mma live my life, my life, yeah

Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now
Well, I, I'm all the way up
I swear you'll never bring me down" I sang

I sang the rest of the song doing the movements then I sat down on the edge of the stage "so alright does anyone have any questions for me" I asked a lot of people raised there hands I picked on someone

"so I have two questions one is I love you so much you are my inspiration and my hero...so I wanted to ask you who inspires you" she ask me "um there is alot of people that inspire me but I would have to say Justin Bieber..." I told her

"Awww" the audience cooed "okay second one" I told her "how are you feeling in this moment in your life" she asked "well I threw up on stage earlier so aside from being sick I'm not okay

actually I love you guys but its like...it's like school for me...school is good because you learn new things but it's so exhausting and you never get a break its day after day after day and it makes me made that I feel like this but I do" I explained