Guarded

Suicide Note

1 month later I am wearing (pic above #1)
I am done with the group and I got released today I'm happy i'm done with drugs done with cutting i  am now drinking mountain dew and cleaning my room i put all the drugs i was hiding and the razors i use to cut in a box "what are you doing"  justin comes into the room "i'm letting go" I admit I looked at my suicide note

" i peer threw my bay window of my bedroom sitting looking at the
beautiful breath taking view of the mountain
tops that leads to the beautiful stars
above  but instead of seeing light i see darkness
my dad drove me away things my dad said will never
leave my mind i fight for my life every day i'm slowly drowning
I constantly feel pain but it's okay im used to it i don't understand
why he hates me so much. But maybe I do. Because now

I hate me too . I have a lot of pain and angry things inside of me. Your
Dad telling you things like Go sit in the corner where you belong
You deserve to die go shove some more pills down your throat
i bet you will Remember when I pushed my cock so far into you
that you cough up blood that was the greatest thing ever.
It can kill a person like me. i'm sorry mom i'm sorry justin good bye mom
i love you but this world is no place for me. A mistake.
A Slut. a whore. A screw up. And goodbye justin I'll miss you"

I read tears came down my face i put it in the box and taped the box then put it on a high shelf in my walk in closet i walked out of the room to justin he was crying i wiped my eyes then looked at him "i almost lost the greatest thing that

ever happened to me three times and your here your safe and i love you" he cried i wrapped my arms around his neck he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me passionately then deepened the kiss then pulled away 

2 weeks later I'm wearing (pic above #2) I finished my song it's called warrior i am recording it in Justin's home studio i'm singing it he's not home so it's perfect

" This is a story that I have never told
I gotta get this off my chest to let it go
I need to take back the light inside you stole
You're a criminal
And you steal like you're a pro

All the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I was broken and bruised" i sang then played it over i actually liked my voice i did it again and again until I got it right then i sang another part

" Now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again" i sang played it back then sang more

"Out of the ashes, I'm burning like a fire
You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar
I've got shame, I've got scars
That I will never show
I'm a survivor
In more ways than you know

Cause all the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I'm not broken or bruised

'Cause now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me

There's a part of me I can't get back
A little girl grew up too fast
All it took was once, I'll never be the same
Now I'm taking back my life today
Nothing left that you can say
Cause you are never gonna take the blame anyway

Now I'm a warrior
I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again

No oh, yeah, yeah

You can never hurt me again" i finished the song then justin comes into the room