Guarded

My dad's funeral

1 day later
I got checked out of the hospital and they prescribed me with anti depression medicine there's two things I have to take each one when I wake up then when I go to sleep Prozac and Zenrx it simulates my mood i took each of them at the hospital then handed it to justin and we went home

At home

"i'm going to take a shower" i said and walked upstairs i walked into the bathroom and shut the door i turned the water on and took everything off and got in i washed everything then

got out and dried off i blow dried my hair then changed into (pic above #1) walked downstairs and got a can of mountain dew and walked into the living room

i sat down on the couch next to justin  i looked at him i kissed his cheek he gently grabbed my chin and gently placed his lips on my lips and kissed me passionately but slowly then pulled away

"You are beautiful and don't let anyone tell you different" he informed me

2 weeks later

My dad is dead
He died 2 days ago in a car accident and his wife wants me to come to the funeral service "i'm not going to his funeral " i snapped "i completely understand why you wouldn't want to go" justin says

"I'm not I won't he hurt me way too much and I'm not...I'm not going and they want me to stand in front of everyone and say something no"  I told
Him

"Just go we'll all go" my mom rubbed my back "I can't" I cried "please it would me alot to me" his wife says she was nice to me but I don't know if I can. Go

"look I can't go I just can't I'm sorry" I apologize I ran upstairs Justin runs after me "I'm not going" I told him he kissed me and pulled away "what was that for"  I asked him

"I think you should think about going I know it'll be hard" he confessed

Next day
I was wearing (pic above #2)

I was forced into going to his funeral I do not want to be here I feel sick to my stomach he makes me sick these  people came over to me

"I'm so sorry about your dad such a hard thing to loose someone over suicide" the Lady says and hugs me I was confused  "wait what he didn't die in a car accident did he" I looked at my mom "he killed himself" I asked his wife she was crying "yeah I didn't want to tell you the real reason" she told me

Another couple comes over "I'm so sorry for your loss" they apologized Justin looked at me confused

     "they don't know what he did to me around people he was a different person he was nice and loving then behind the walls he snapped" I told him "but why did he kill himself i want to know" i asked "i don't know he hung himself but he told me to give you this and read it " she told me handing me a note folded

The service started

......

"Will his daughter Alex come up here"  the guy announces i glaced at justin "its okay" he rubbed my back in comfort i stood up and walked up the steps to the microphone i unfolded the note it was a note i wrote on my 5th birthday

"he kept it" i mumbled shaking "Dear daddy one day i will read this at your funeral  today i turned 5 princess alex im your little girl I'm a princess whether you want me to be or not

I'm the best little girl you're ever gonna have I don't understand  why you hurt us if you love us why do you hit me why do you hate me did i do i something wrong I'm sorry you don't love me i'm sorry i ruined our family but your gone now goodbye daddy" i read tears were streaming

down my face i walked down the steps and ran out of the room i screamed "you did that on purpose i hate you and i always will"  crying justin comes out and wraps his arms around my neck i wrapped my arms around his waist and cried into his chest "he did that on purpose so people would think I was crying for him" i explained and looked at him he wiped my tears