Guarded

Suicide Attempt

20 minutes later

I saw a video "this is it i'm just done" Alex sobbed at the end of the video I ran upstairs and to her room it was locked "ALEX" I yelled in fear "Alex opened the door now" i demanded

10 seconds later I kicked the door open she wasn't in there i ran to the bathroom door it was locked  "Alex" i screamed "stop no dont" i managed to get the door open

i saw her trying to open the oxycodone there pain pills "i can't get the cap oft" she yelled in tears i started crying i tried to take it from her "NNOOO  STOP JUST LET ME DIE JUSTIN" she screamed crying and fighting me for them i finally took it from her i dropped it and the pills went everywhere she was crying so hard she looked at me and screamed "WHAT DID YOU DO" in my face through tears

I wrapped my arms around her below her shoulders and eventually i was kneeling down on the ground with her sitting in front of me I tried to calm her down she kept saying

"i wanna die" through tears she was shaking and crying and saying "i wanna die" "let me die"

my dad was standing in the door way

i glaced at him scared

"dad what do I do" I was shaking  "i don't know" "Justin i wanna die let me die please i want the pain to go away" she cried even more and still shaking rocking back and forth

"i don't know what you want me to do" i told her  "make it stop" she rocked back in forth   "i can't i don't know how tell me what's wrong" i feared

"I'M IN PAIN" she screamed crying and fighting me to let go of her "take the pain away justin take it away" she said still shaking and crying i started crying "HOW TELL ME HOW" i screamed "i wanna die let me die please let me go" she said crying even more and breathing heavily "I CAN'T NO" i screamed crying so hard

"please i wanna die let me die please let me go let me go i wanna die let me go let me go" she repeated over and over again fighting me to let go and give up "Let go justin, let go justin let me go please let me go" she was still shaking and rocking back and forth

crying out loud i was scared to death to let go i tighted my grip around her "let me go, let me go" She fought me through gritted teeth

"LET ME GO" she screamed crying and fighting me still and got out of my grip she stood up and ran away i ran after her "DAD CALL 911" i screamed scared and ran after her i chased her until she ran into my room and shut the door and locked it "NO" I screamed crying

"ALEX OPEN THE DOOR PLEASE I BEG YOU I CAN'T LOSE YOU" I screamed banging on the door nothing was said i eventually used all my weight and knocked down the door i ran into the room she was trying to jump out the window i stopped her and picked her up

she was crying fighting me to stop and let go i couldnt lose to her i laid her down on the bed she tried to get off a couple times i pinned her arms down and sat down on her straddling her while she was fighting me

"STOP" I screamed crying so hard the tears were hitting her she was shaking and crying "just let me die please i want the pain to go away" she said shaking i heard the ambulance siren and let out a few shakey breaths they came in my room and said

"sir you have to get off her" "no i can't let go i will lose her she'll run and kill herself i can't let go" i cried even more i got off her but still holding onto her wrist

"let go Justin please" she said softly i think she was slowly giving up "Let go justin please i give up but don't leave me" she told me

"i'm not going anywhere" i said and let go and she was crying and shaking but it slowly started to stop the ambulance guy tried to touch her she shook her head and said "no i want justin" i lifted her up

bridal style and carried her downstairs and into the back of the ambulance I tried to put her down on the Gurnee "no justin don't let go i need you i want you to stay" she said i just held her in my arms the whole ride to the hospital singing i would to her