Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 2

Each time I look at that paper it makes me realize just how far I have come. It also reminds me how much farther I must go. I know there will be times where I will not be able to sleep. I know I must get myself to get up. I just know I can do things.

I didn't realize the things I hid from the world would stay lingering in the back of my mind. I am always thinking about where I can improve myself. I never thought about how I would improve myself.

Now that I am getting closer to being 20, I'm thinking about it. I figured I would be done with trying to fit in. I finally realized I could be content with who I am. I should be happy with the person I am.

I am free to feel any kind of way. I don't have to worry about people making stupid comments. At the end of the day I know people will judge. God was the one who said, "Thou shall not judge."

Little did I know until after I started reading the Bible. The days come and go. The months go by quick too. Time is catching up to me. I finally realized I won't have to keep hearing judgmental people speak. There have been times when I've thought I wouldn't make it. I thought I wouldn't be able to get past my ego.

There are so many thoughts running through my mind. I can cry about it, but I know that won't help anything. I know I am just going to have to suck it up. I have learned a ton in the last four years. I just know when one door closes another one opens. I like learning about the different sayings. I like learning period. I know when I was little I hated school.

My mom told me once I hit second grade I made a friend, and I started liking being able to do my work. Well, now I am a writer. I have managed to get honor roll, and high honor roll more than once. I just feel good knowing my four years of high school are coming to an end. It's been one heck of a journey.

Flowing from talking about one thing to talking about something else is tough. It's a test of character to me. I used to have a problem. My thoughts would be all over the place. I had to learn how not to do that. I also had to learn how to just use one color to write with. Being a writer is easy.

Being a writer is easy to me. Being a writer is easy to me because I can say what's on my mind. For instance, one story I wrote I said, "Romance lives in the soul!" Now my family criticizes me because I wrote it on our wall. It was on my mind and I just wrote it. Criticism can be hard to take, but it's good practice for later in your career.

Your imagination can be key when writing a fiction. I know for me I use my surroundings to help me. When using my surroundings, I do use my family and even other people in my life. Of course, my family can decipher who is who. One of my best friends told me that with doing what I've done my stories have become more realistic.

I know she's right. I just know which ones do reach out to people. A lot of times I think about my love life. There are things I want out of my relationship. I know

there are things I know I probably won't get. Am I that bad? I just want to know how I am supposed to be. There are things I need to realize I don't have to be scared about.

When I'm at church there are things I learn about which makes me question myself. When I am at home I know, I can't follow those things. I know I am going to have to get over my fears. I know it's going to take time.

When I hang out with friends, I've noticed I have the tendency to admit things. I am now finding out I am content. I know I eat too much spicy food. I just know sooner or later I won't be able to eat that stuff. I want to enjoy it as much as I can. I am now 20 and graduated. I can say the months are going by quick. It's now August. I just want to be able to solve my own problems.

I am now in a relationship. This relationship is totally awesome to me. We went to the same school and had a class together. I like him. I think it's sweet how he used to ride his bike here to see me. I was so shocked when he walked 3.3 miles from my graduation to my house. I know we got to talk, but there are a lot of times where we get interrupted. I enjoy being around him. I am just nervous about what is going to happen when I go to college. I won't see him, and that's the tough part. I think it will be tough because it will be for months at a time. I think I can work it out.

I am ecstatic about the things I have. I wonder a lot about how my future will look. I have a thing about living in the now. I don't want to. There is just too much trouble and drama where I am. It's funny how everything can be going so crappy around me, yet I am finding ways to be happy. I am doing well with trying to get things done. Well at least that's the way it seems to me. I just lose my cool a lot.

I try so much to do what I am supposed to do. I know I give up. I just know once I am on my own, true colors will come out. I must learn how to not tick people off. I must use the skills I've learned. The closer I get to leaving, the more I get tense. I am just so worried about what's going to happen to me.

I've noticed speaking from the heart is a very tough thing to do. I have spent a lot of time doing what I enjoy. There are times when I just want to strangle myself. I know it's bad, but I just get mad to the point where that's what I want. I know this world is not perfect. I just get caught up in my thoughts.

I spend a ton of time doing this and doing that. My siblings get to me all the time. I know that's why my songs are written the way they are. I have taken my emotions and put them to paper. I love just saying what I feel. I know when I talk to my friends, it's so easy. I know I dump my problems onto my friends. Now, I won't have them so close. I am taking all the negative and making poetry and music. My stories are even better. I am going to keep striving for success. I know that's what I am known for.

I push myself until I overwhelm myself. Once I hit that point, I usually freak out. Once I am done freaking out, I get back to work. It's just how I function. I try to make sure I give my all when it comes to my work. I take pride in the work I do. Yes, I do like to get things done on time. There will be times when it doesn't happen. When I am at home, I am like a walking time bomb.

I just wish for so much. I should know it's not going to happen. Life has been teaching me many lessons. I enjoy feeling like a free spirit sometimes. I enjoy it because I am happy. My friends have been there for me through it all. It's scary knowing we are all going to be in a different spot this year. We are not going to be together anymore. The real world is sending us on separate journeys.